random #3

it is very interesting when you start noticing the people who come in and sit beside you during a two hour break in as7.

so far, i've sat..

between a pair of chit-chattery friends, who like, havent spoken to each other in eons and cant stop talking. i contemplated being nice and switching seats with one of them, but it seemed to them like i was invisible, so i proceeded to plug in my earphones to listen to britney spears. oh, did i mention, i really like her new album. i think i have deteriorating taste.

i've also sat beside this girl, who i think was in the same jc as me, although i either dont know her name at all, or cannot remember it. in any case, she pretended to ignore my smile, so i didnt bother to take down my earphones. it may be a case of mistaken identity, but i'm quite sure i have seen her around somewhere. oh well.

i'm now sitting beside this guy, who i think was in my jap tutorial in semester one. never spoken to him back then, and i dont see why i am going to now.


bumped into valerie, who slept beside me for about a month back in december 2004, yesterday. and i should have taken personality psychology or intro to EL (which i forgot to ask if its English Language or English Literature) with her. was planning to take those two instead of industrial/organisational psych and european history, but somehow i ended up with the latter choices, which are, .. sigh..

most possibly meeting cynthia and kiah yin (finally) on cny eve. hopefully i dont suddenly have other stuff to attend to, because i havent seen them in ages. its funny how i have never met cynthia in nus. i've not seen kat as well. or dalvin. i guess that just confirmed the hypothesis proposed by baby yesterday, that i'm pa jiao.

and i'm definitely going for that singapore pools training this saturday, after which, i guess i should be able to start work soon. and then, i dont have to feel so damn poor all the time. (i'm so pathetic, i top up my ezlink every week. its $10 a week, which means its not worthwhile to get the stupid concession.)

dont even feel like browsing through all those shopping blogs/spree communities. damn and its the best time to join those american sprees now that the american dollar is so damn low la. sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.


i've got 10 minutes left to rot, before i have to strut off to that much dreaded bahasa indonesian tutorial. i'm actually waiting for the european history professor to upload today's lecture notes into the workbin. yes, today's. he didnt have time to load them up before the lecture and said he would do so within 2 hours after lecture, which is like now. he's also yet to reply my email to confirm test dates, different dates given on course description website and the stupid timetable which he uploaded.

should have taken something else.

sleeping posture

my mother was playing with my doggy plushie awhile ago and she came up with these..


this is how our dog slept when she first arrived at our house, like 8 years ago.




after awhile, she started sleeping like this. and no matter how many times we (especially my grandma) tried to place the 'leg' back, it'd always revert to this position.




this is how she sleeps these day, and we've all given up correcting that insightly posture already.




i'm going to go sleep now. hopefully i dont look like that when i sleep. shall ask baby one of these days.

lap dance.

this, my dear, is apparently a great position. its supposedly called the lap dance and i've yet to try it. i hope to be able to give it a raving review when i do. but honestly, i dont see myself doing it until i'm 60 and menopause has left its ugly marks on me.

if 60 comes earlier, i'll let you know.

mac air - i want

everyday, i look at this and i drool.

it wont be long. it wont be long. i'm going to get it before i graduate, i'm going to get it before my birthday. even if it takes a bank loan. even if i end up only going to genting/batam/bintan/cruise (you get the drift) for my graduation trip.


i want the mac air la. its making me depressed already. fuck.

mario and sonic at the olympic games

ROAR!!!

i am tamade sibeh pissed off with that stupid mario. kanina i chu power he chu his power to deflect my power, and his power is kan sibeh easy to hit back one. dont even need to chu power lor. and i fucking chu three times power he all also use that fucking lao ya power to deflect all 3 of my powerful power. wasted my power build up can.

and in one lousy streak he took all of that 52 points and won the fucking game.

sibeh gan si lang pua chao lor..

i am super pissed off now. and if you dont know what i'm talking about, i was playing dream team table tennis in mario and sonic at the olympic games.


i am still super pissed off with that fucking mario for causing my all gold-streaks to be broken. nbcb. urgh!!!!

no money.

i'll be meeting an ex boyfriend tomorrow to collect my shoes, which i've reserved. heehee. and also because he needs to do his chinese new year shopping. so yes, i'll be meeting weiming at vivo. and i think ah fang will be excited because she likes weiming. (as compared to jiesheng and even my ah bu bao with his fanciful xiao bu bao ideas. hais.)

so yes, i half completed my chinese new year shopping, and i feel damn poor. i actually feel so poor that every few minutes i start prancing around to grab my phone, checking if i have a miss call or an unread sms. its about time singapore pools called already. the distraction of checking my phone repeatedly prevents me from doing my weekly readings, watching heroes (hiro nakamura is so damn fucking cute la.), new year shopping and now, blogging.

actually, right now, its because ray, who said he'd call me after dinner 2 hours ago havent called yet.


blah. i should get back to my readings. european history is really quite interesting.

european history is really quite interesting.

european history is really quite interesting.

european history is really quite interesting.

i thought, if i repeated that enough times, i might actually believe it. apparently not. :(

enlightened

一言惊醒梦中人


*private joke*

*that starving look*



for your help, i shall bestow you with a lifetime supply of milo pengs.

till then, this is bizi, your female rabbit, seeking another equally hoppity female rabbit, with equally bouncy assets.


p.s. i like my new hair.

my mother wants me to get married

i was having dinner with my mother earlier. and i was trying to convince her that i should bleach my hair to as auspicious (read: GOLD) a colour as possible, since i (suppose i) wont be able to do it anymore once i graduate this may. and the topic led to her asking me about how much money i will give her when i start work. and before long, she was asking me when am i going to get married and have kids.


and then, she dropped the bomb by asking if i will be marrying ray.

*refrains from using that emoticon*

*refrains further*


-_-"

i nearly choked on a fishball. that's how bad it was. not that i havent thought about marrying ray, its just.. you know?!

i have no idea what my mother is thinking, really.

and ah fang the clubbing queen, is now happily clubbing away. while bizi, poor poor me, i'm sneezing until my nose doesnt feel like its a part of my face. you know, i think i've had enough of clubbing, now that i'm like 1sd above the 18-year-old mean age in zouk and mos.

oh well. i'm going to become a gim moh ah lian tomorrow. ah fang says it might lead to those 18-year-old ah bengs to ask for my number. unless somehow bleaching my hair will make me 10cm shorter, i think that situation will not be happening.

till then, i guess its time to take the flu tablet and get married to ray.

lesbianism

i casually and half jokingly asked my boyfriend,

'dear, i go and have lesbian sex okie?'

and he said, 'okie.. go lor.. girl de can go..'


i wonder if he's serious, because i said i was half-joking, which incidentally meant i was half serious too. and afterall, if you dont already know, i've always been bi-curious. i have always shown more interest in lesbian porn, which has always turned me on more than the other types of vice and erotica. and now that baby has seemingly given the go-ahead, its set me thinking, 'where can i find someone who's not too lesbian to engage in lesbianism with me.'

i've been thinking along very pratical lines too.
like how it would be better to get someone who's equally inexperienced, so that (at least) i dont feel so awkward trial-and-error-ing.
like how i think it wouldnt be that difficult to pass a girl off as a friend of mine and bring her home for the night.

and i suddenly wondered, 'how do lesbians practise safe sex?' gays still use condoms, then lesbians?


hmm..

oh course, its not like i'm really going to do it. besides, i really dont think my boyfriend, the tsk at my half-cup bras and tsk at the slightly lower neckline and tsk at people who delilberately or not cast glances at my cleavage, that boyfriend, will actually say yes to anything of that sort. still then, its rather alarming that i actually come up with all those practicalities.

blah.. if that smelly dearie ever leaves me (or if i sot plug and leave that pot of gold-if his patience was rewarded with gold, we'd be rich beyond dreams). when that happens, i'll embark on my search for a lesbian partner. and one of these days i shall evaluate and come up with a set of qualities to look for in being one, like appreciating my boobs, at least more than a-cup-fetish-raymond-tan does. :(

till then, heterosexual bizi, tired from feeling the effects of having to attend a dreadful computing lecture tomorrow.

cny preparation #1

this morning, i had the craziest idea to go bleach my hair for the chinese new year. bleach. as in blond, ashy kind of bleach. it had alot to do with the fact that i'd be graduating this semester, and i probably wont get another chance to do that kind of rubbishy stuff to my hair for a long time after that.

after discussing with my not-very-happy-about-it mother, and equally-skeptic boyfriend, i've decided to modify the orignal bleach idea to highlights.

and i'm going to do it thursday, if my mother can get me an appointment with her friend. if not, i'll do it downstairs. ^^


i most probably wont be posting pictures of my hair though (even if i go ahead with that plan). because of that one big huge pimple on my left cheek. and the irritating boyfriend actually had the decency to tell me that he has a matching one on his right cheek. *refrains from using that particular expression once again*

i tried to find pictures of that huge-pimple attack from 2 years ago. but i deleted it back when i was clearing space in my laptop for that damned wow, speaking of which, i'm stuck at level 45 because i cant get pass that 3 freaking level 45-46 southsea pirates to complete my freaking southsea *dunno whose shipment* quest. i died like 4 times trying to do it, and i subsequently, and predictably gave up. shall go try again when i'm not so pek chek.

i am now holding on to $1000 worth of $10 notes. my mother just changed for chinese new year. my mother gives out ang pao in denominations of $10.

her flaunting her wealth in front of me is completely distracting me from blogging. till then. ^^

timetable

originally wanted,




finally got,




looks alright. but i'll have to attend half of my lectures and most of the tutorials alone. :(

oh well. shall force baby to fetch me on thursdays.

random #2

-_-"

i realised that i've been over-using that emoticon. like it appears in every entry. totally random, but i think i need to find something to replace that -_-" expression.


oh, and for the record, i've completed one journal article and one chapter worth of readings before i started yawning and slumped onto my bed, which i've just realised is quite hard actually. *refrains from using that favourite expression*

i miss my boyfriend, who is over at alan's shop helping move the furniture and stuff back because he has decided to wind it up. oh well, i guess its not easy setting up a business in singapore.


my (relatively) new bolster smells like me, finally. ^^

shall resume watching 公主小妹 on youtube.

spring cleaning pt1

blog revival incidentally means a renewed desire to blog non-stop about the most nondescript occurrences in my life. so i'm totally bored out at home, having accomplished like another 10% towards spring-cleaning my room. the one thing that i hate about clearing out the rubbish, is the fact that my mother insists on looking through the stuff that i've decided to throw, and subsequently putting about half of them back into my room.

and its funny how she almost always end up throwing the more important things out (like my a levels history notes, urgh!!) and putting those really un-used, un-wanted, un-loved dust-collecting items back in. read: soft toys, accessories, tattered bags.

a few interesting finds, as always, while i was clearing out stuff.

like my aaron carter cds. yes, you read right. AARON CARTER and i have 2 of the first album (and 1 second album, i think), one of which being the *cringe* limited edition bonus pack. i have 2 versions of the moffatts' first album as well, because they had different US/UK versions. and it freaks me out amazes me that i have the toybox album, which had that irritating song. i think ah fang has that album too, because she reminded me that the disc actually has this very duh computer game.

i attempted to catalogue my entire collection of cds, as ah fang suggested, and after like close to 2 hours of hard work, typing it out in excel, chinese names and all, i accidentally saved my new timetable over it. -_-"




i can actually sing at least the chorus to every song. and it has eaten up every ounce of my initial blogging desire. -_-"

"please dont walk away, why dont you stay? i've been waiting for somebody like you.."

ffg-ed

that would be me, having filed for graduation this semester. looking forward to repaying the $12000 bank loan. -_-"

random #1

it was with incredible dread that i woke up 2 hours early on my first day of school. why dread, you ask. because i would otherwise have 2 hours more of badly needed sleep. and so i lazed in bed, weaving in and out of consciousness, hovering over dreams and nightmares.

i dreamt that i replied to ah fang's and suting's smses, and i woke up over and over to check if i really replied.

i dreamt that i missed school, failed my modules and eventually got kicked out of nus. and i had to wake up repeatedly to see if i was still on time.

i dreamt that baby was leaving me for 2 someones named isabel and elisabeth. and i made sure that i had indeed received his morning lovey-dovey sweet-as-honey message.


and when i woke up 2 hours later, i was hit by this repulsive thought of not going to school, and of letting me fail my modules, and of just lying in bed and rotting with eternity. it felt as though i didnt, couldnt and shouldnt exist. it was terrifying. and more so, because it made me come to terms with how utterly meaningless my life was. that it seemingly didnt make a difference whether i went to school or not, whether i graduated or not, whether i lived or not.

my memories have failed me. for i cannot find a single moment in my entire repertoire of experiences that defines my existence.

all the friendships that i've had in my entire 22 years have made me understood that beauty fades with time.

all the relationships seemed to tell me as though nothing can last forever.

working all those temporary and part time jobs have only gone so far as to make me believe i'm expendable.


i struggled to spell 'authority' yesterday, and i struggled to spell 'tutorial' today. i wonder if my memories are really failing me.

if they are indeed, and if memories are what defines who we are (as someone so aptly reminded me yesterday), then i wonder if what i'm experiencing right now is real, or am i a figment of someone else's imagination, existing in the realm of make-believe and fantasies.

for reasons undefined, i would like to believe in the latter. that i'm a product of imagination, and that it could be easy, erasing the manuscript of my life.

last semester

can you believe it? i actually skipped the first lecture of my last semester in nus. -_-"

thanks honey, for helping me take attendance. and hopefully we manage to get into the same tutorial classes, which ah fang is taking as well, and then we can share cab home, so that i dont feel so guilty everytime i feel lazy and start flagging cabs after school. especially with the stupid fare hike now.


here's a look at my wonderful timetable for this last semester. tutorial registration starts tomorrow. and i'd better get the slots that i want.



one lecture in and i'm repulsed by the immense workload that comes with that irritating intro to computing module. what's with 2 presentations and 1 project in one fucking module? if not for the fact that it sits comfortably into my ultra neat timetable.. urgh!

and i totally regret having thrown my a level notes away, now that i'm taking european history. its kinda late that i only realise now how comprehensive and totally precious peter kellett's notes were.

i fucking love the i/o psych lecturer's sexy indian accent, despite the fact that there'd always be 1 or 2 words that i fail to register with every sentence. shall get my brother to speak indian-accented english with me to practise. muahaha.

and social-cog is, as expected, laiden with journal article readings. printed the first half, up to the mid term quiz, and i'm feeling the tedium.


shall go start on the readings already. bah..