Saturday, March 29, 2008
rainbow brite
my brother and i loved this a long time ago, and he made me look for it again. i think we might still have the cassette tape!
my mother.. -_-"
this afternoon mummy left for malaysia. she'd be gone a few days. (on the pretext of going to 扫墓, but we all know its going to come with some killer mahjong sessions.)
anyways, before she left, she pasted this big ass note on her bedroom door.. (which my dad forgot to remove so that we could have a little laugh.)
my mother. -_-"
anyways, before she left, she pasted this big ass note on her bedroom door.. (which my dad forgot to remove so that we could have a little laugh.)
my mother. -_-"
Thursday, March 27, 2008
taxi drivers
for a small country, singapore has a damn complicated network of roads. you might just wonder in sheer amazement how many different routes there are from my house to nus. this morning, quite when i've decided that i can no longer be surprised at the novelty of new routes, the cab driver only proved how wrong i can be.
it took him $4 to get from my house to 6th avenue.. and another $3 to get from there to the aye clementi exit.
i think he was quite disappointed when the fare didnt amount to his expectations, even though it was still significantly more than what i usually pay. yet far from getting pissed off at being taken for a ride (literally), at the expense of my time and money no less, i was quite pleased with this cab uncle.
he stared at me for a little while, and concluded by declaring that i must be the 校花.. when i modestly said i wasnt, he went on to comment that i should join and that i was very pretty. he didnt say join though.
^.^
i think he genuinely didnt mean to waste my time and money. or maybe he could tell by that irritated look on my face that i was about to curse his balls off. or maybe, it had something to do with my rather low-cut victorias secret cami.
oh well, at least my day started on a good note.
oh, i finished 3 packets of tissue in school today. i honestly think my nose is going to fall off if i continue sneezing the way i do. (gheesh, i just remembered my first appearance in rabbit's blog. eh?) last night, i accidentally dripped my 鼻涕 on to didi's pyjamas.
i guess its about time i saw a doctor. :(
it took him $4 to get from my house to 6th avenue.. and another $3 to get from there to the aye clementi exit.
i think he was quite disappointed when the fare didnt amount to his expectations, even though it was still significantly more than what i usually pay. yet far from getting pissed off at being taken for a ride (literally), at the expense of my time and money no less, i was quite pleased with this cab uncle.
he stared at me for a little while, and concluded by declaring that i must be the 校花.. when i modestly said i wasnt, he went on to comment that i should join and that i was very pretty. he didnt say join though.
^.^
i think he genuinely didnt mean to waste my time and money. or maybe he could tell by that irritated look on my face that i was about to curse his balls off. or maybe, it had something to do with my rather low-cut victorias secret cami.
oh well, at least my day started on a good note.
oh, i finished 3 packets of tissue in school today. i honestly think my nose is going to fall off if i continue sneezing the way i do. (gheesh, i just remembered my first appearance in rabbit's blog. eh?) last night, i accidentally dripped my 鼻涕 on to didi's pyjamas.
i guess its about time i saw a doctor. :(
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
lies
its so easy to say, dont let a guy determine your self worth. its so easy to say, snap out of it. its so easy to say, he's just one guy.
i've been repeating that to myself every freaking day.
a whole chain of events led to the eventual blow up. like how i was just starting to feel inadequate. like how i was getting sick of the monotony. like how i was beginning to congest intellectually, with all the thoughts streaming out like nobody's business and his lack of understanding and interest. and that catalysing rabbit.
and ray said he was going through a rough patch. that i'm not the only thing in his life he's losing his zest in.
then came the moment of truth when i begin to realise that my happiness, the only thing which has been sustaining this relationship, is the byproduct of his imagination.
have you done this? yes.
have you not dont that? yes.
everyday is make believe. and rabbit tells me that i have short term happiness, and that every sweetness detailed here is true. like i dont know that. like i need him to feel my happiness for me to know that its true.
when all he did was tell me painful truths, i hoped he lied. and when i thought i was happy, i had to find out it was built on lies. am i so fucked up, that lying is the only way to keep me happy? are the things i ask for too much?
ray says he lied because he didnt want me to be upset. he lied so that i can be happy. so my happiness is achieveable only through lies.
------------------------------------------------------
i'm really trying to validate my anger against this person who loves me so much as to keep lying and bearing the painful truth to sustain my happiness.
its going to take awhile before i learn to sleep soundly again.
i've been repeating that to myself every freaking day.
a whole chain of events led to the eventual blow up. like how i was just starting to feel inadequate. like how i was getting sick of the monotony. like how i was beginning to congest intellectually, with all the thoughts streaming out like nobody's business and his lack of understanding and interest. and that catalysing rabbit.
and ray said he was going through a rough patch. that i'm not the only thing in his life he's losing his zest in.
then came the moment of truth when i begin to realise that my happiness, the only thing which has been sustaining this relationship, is the byproduct of his imagination.
have you done this? yes.
have you not dont that? yes.
everyday is make believe. and rabbit tells me that i have short term happiness, and that every sweetness detailed here is true. like i dont know that. like i need him to feel my happiness for me to know that its true.
when all he did was tell me painful truths, i hoped he lied. and when i thought i was happy, i had to find out it was built on lies. am i so fucked up, that lying is the only way to keep me happy? are the things i ask for too much?
ray says he lied because he didnt want me to be upset. he lied so that i can be happy. so my happiness is achieveable only through lies.
------------------------------------------------------
i'm really trying to validate my anger against this person who loves me so much as to keep lying and bearing the painful truth to sustain my happiness.
its going to take awhile before i learn to sleep soundly again.
Monday, March 24, 2008
my jam!!
how could i have not known?!!!!!!!
since i have no love at the moment, i shall hereby declare him to be my greatest, truest, biggest love!!
蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰
since i have no love at the moment, i shall hereby declare him to be my greatest, truest, biggest love!!
蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰 蕭敬騰
lies and more lies
one lie leads to another lie. when you discover that the person you've trusted most has been lying to you for the longest time, what do you do?
ray says he kept it from me because he didnt want me to be unhappy. he said he did it just so i wouldnt have to get upset. in other words, he lied to shut me up.
when he has to lie, and constantly do so, over a small issue. what's going to happen if we continued with this relationship? will he lie to me forever? will his lies get bigger?
i've always thought he was the best boyfriend i've had. turns out, he's just like the rest. i've only been happy because he's been lying to me.
i know i shouldnt discount the other things that he's done for me because of this. but now that the trust and the faith is gone, i can never look at him the same again. he's been lying about every little thing.
the only thing that sustained my feelings for him has taken a heavy blow. perhaps, its time to end it, and salvage what's left of the friendship.
you make me feel so silly, for believing in you, for thinking that you'll never lie to me.
ray says he kept it from me because he didnt want me to be unhappy. he said he did it just so i wouldnt have to get upset. in other words, he lied to shut me up.
when he has to lie, and constantly do so, over a small issue. what's going to happen if we continued with this relationship? will he lie to me forever? will his lies get bigger?
i've always thought he was the best boyfriend i've had. turns out, he's just like the rest. i've only been happy because he's been lying to me.
i know i shouldnt discount the other things that he's done for me because of this. but now that the trust and the faith is gone, i can never look at him the same again. he's been lying about every little thing.
the only thing that sustained my feelings for him has taken a heavy blow. perhaps, its time to end it, and salvage what's left of the friendship.
you make me feel so silly, for believing in you, for thinking that you'll never lie to me.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
the diving bell and the butterfly
you know what my favourite movie is? apart from the little mermaid and the incredibles, my favourite movie is the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. and if you watched it, you will know why.
le scaphandre et le papillon is damn nice. i totally regret not having caught it while it was still screening. watching it on a tiny screen with chinese subtitles doesnt bring out the best, really. i feel as though a huge part of the meaning is lost during translation and i'm most definitely right.
i just remembered that the palmist i went to a year ago told me that my lucky colours were pink and blue. and that i'd get married at 27 to some relatively well-off foreigner. he also said i'd be living a rather blessed life, with no worries about the money.
i think he's a fluke. because i'm worrying about when my next pay is going to come in. i want to go for a manicure, and i want to go waxing again. its coming back!! who wants to go?! ^.^
and why isnt my hair growing? it seems to be incapable of growing past my neh neh. and its getting increasingly exasperating because i want my hair to grow!!!
raymond tan says he wants to meet me for dinner. turns out its with a whole bunch of other people. you do know now, why i'm so frustrated right?
le scaphandre et le papillon is damn nice. i totally regret not having caught it while it was still screening. watching it on a tiny screen with chinese subtitles doesnt bring out the best, really. i feel as though a huge part of the meaning is lost during translation and i'm most definitely right.
i just remembered that the palmist i went to a year ago told me that my lucky colours were pink and blue. and that i'd get married at 27 to some relatively well-off foreigner. he also said i'd be living a rather blessed life, with no worries about the money.
i think he's a fluke. because i'm worrying about when my next pay is going to come in. i want to go for a manicure, and i want to go waxing again. its coming back!! who wants to go?! ^.^
and why isnt my hair growing? it seems to be incapable of growing past my neh neh. and its getting increasingly exasperating because i want my hair to grow!!!
raymond tan says he wants to meet me for dinner. turns out its with a whole bunch of other people. you do know now, why i'm so frustrated right?
Friday, March 21, 2008
expectations
blogging is a painstaking chore right now given that i've only just painted my nails. i carelessly slipped my bangle up my elbow while at work yesterday, and its thanks to my brother's ingenious idea of spreading soap all over my arm that we managed to get it out. rabbit says i'm an intelligent silly girl. i'm beginning to think so.
in case you wanted to know, ray and i has reached some kind of bottleneck and we're both uninterested to work things out. me, because i'm kind of more determined to seek out the rabbit, and him (that's ray) in all his innocent optimism, has not sensed the urgency to work things out. these days, when asked about my relationship status, i'm more inclined to say, i'm on pending.
rabbit said that the unhappiness all stem from expectations, whether its expectations set too high or expectations that shouldnt be there at all. apparently, according to rabbit, we all loved unconditionally before we have expectations.
maybe that's why ray has never flared up at me yet. because he doesnt expect anything from me, like he doesnt expect me to behave myself and watch my temper in front of his friends. and i keep expecting him to flare up. and when he doesnt, it makes me feel unimportant, like he cant be bothered with me.
i set expectations because i care. i set expectations because i love you. because you're important to me.
its not about not setting expectations. its about being flexible about them. when your expectations are not met, learn to lower them, learn to set a longer time frame. you dont just give up and say, i shall not expect it from you.
we stale because we keep expecting, without readjusting to reality. we keep demanding, and we become obsessed with our demands, with our wants, our needs, our interests.
i'm going to get ready for work already. i dont want to be late.
in case you wanted to know, ray and i has reached some kind of bottleneck and we're both uninterested to work things out. me, because i'm kind of more determined to seek out the rabbit, and him (that's ray) in all his innocent optimism, has not sensed the urgency to work things out. these days, when asked about my relationship status, i'm more inclined to say, i'm on pending.
rabbit said that the unhappiness all stem from expectations, whether its expectations set too high or expectations that shouldnt be there at all. apparently, according to rabbit, we all loved unconditionally before we have expectations.
maybe that's why ray has never flared up at me yet. because he doesnt expect anything from me, like he doesnt expect me to behave myself and watch my temper in front of his friends. and i keep expecting him to flare up. and when he doesnt, it makes me feel unimportant, like he cant be bothered with me.
i set expectations because i care. i set expectations because i love you. because you're important to me.
its not about not setting expectations. its about being flexible about them. when your expectations are not met, learn to lower them, learn to set a longer time frame. you dont just give up and say, i shall not expect it from you.
we stale because we keep expecting, without readjusting to reality. we keep demanding, and we become obsessed with our demands, with our wants, our needs, our interests.
i'm going to get ready for work already. i dont want to be late.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
ray.
you'd always dry my hair for me, even when you're very tired and is half asleep already, you'd just wake up and ram the towel all over my head.
you'd always message me in the morning, and when you're late and rushing, you'd remember to send me my morning message when you can grab one moment to yourself.
you'd always send me up the lift, whenever you can, and you make me smile and i'm all sad and down inside.
you'd always let me lie on your lap when you drive, even though its ticklish because i keep moving my head and touching you.
you'd always listened when i had something to say, although i'm never sure if you understood what i said, you'd be there listening and hugging me in the end.
you'd aways carry my bags for me, even if they're not even heavy at all, no matter how girl they were..
you always gave in to me, however ridiculous my demands were.
如果一个男人真的爱你，他不会舍得让你难过。 你真的从来不曾让我难过。
nobody will ever love me the way you do. the way you did. the way you will.
you'd always message me in the morning, and when you're late and rushing, you'd remember to send me my morning message when you can grab one moment to yourself.
you'd always send me up the lift, whenever you can, and you make me smile and i'm all sad and down inside.
you'd always let me lie on your lap when you drive, even though its ticklish because i keep moving my head and touching you.
you'd always listened when i had something to say, although i'm never sure if you understood what i said, you'd be there listening and hugging me in the end.
you'd aways carry my bags for me, even if they're not even heavy at all, no matter how girl they were..
you always gave in to me, however ridiculous my demands were.
如果一个男人真的爱你，他不会舍得让你难过。 你真的从来不曾让我难过。
nobody will ever love me the way you do. the way you did. the way you will.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
i miss my boyfriend pt.2
i think i'm beginning to look like my bigbelly tan.
and oh, i burst out laughing after dinner the other day, because baby's tummy was bulging over rather uncharacteristically. baby says he suddenly think he's fat already when he was sitting down to shit. he didnt realise he's putting on so much weight because he doesnt have a full length mirror, and everyday when he washes his face, he'd think he looks about the same.
raymond tan is damn cute de. ^^
and oh, i burst out laughing after dinner the other day, because baby's tummy was bulging over rather uncharacteristically. baby says he suddenly think he's fat already when he was sitting down to shit. he didnt realise he's putting on so much weight because he doesnt have a full length mirror, and everyday when he washes his face, he'd think he looks about the same.
raymond tan is damn cute de. ^^
i miss my boyfriend
i miss my smelly, crazy, ugly, oily, dirty, messy, fatty, cutey, eeky, eewy, oohy boyfriend.
*pouts*
i miss my boyfriend. :(
*pouts*
i miss my boyfriend. :(
Monday, March 10, 2008
sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep
hoohoooo!! i slept from 8 to 8..
thats 8am to 8pm, and i just woke up!!
baby hates my job. he thinks working night shifts are taking away my sundays with him, but he doesnt realise it was him who overslept for our sunday date. we were planning to catch 10000bc with sebas and fanny, but lousy raymond tan woke us up too late (in fact, i had to wake that sleepy head up), and by then the tickets were out already. felt a little bad since they could have otherwise caught a later timing but i had to work and all.. :(
oh well.. i guess i ought to go study for the indonesian test tomorrow. damn hungry but there's nothing to eat at home. and if you must know, i can sleep right now if i wanted to.. ^^
thats 8am to 8pm, and i just woke up!!
baby hates my job. he thinks working night shifts are taking away my sundays with him, but he doesnt realise it was him who overslept for our sunday date. we were planning to catch 10000bc with sebas and fanny, but lousy raymond tan woke us up too late (in fact, i had to wake that sleepy head up), and by then the tickets were out already. felt a little bad since they could have otherwise caught a later timing but i had to work and all.. :(
oh well.. i guess i ought to go study for the indonesian test tomorrow. damn hungry but there's nothing to eat at home. and if you must know, i can sleep right now if i wanted to.. ^^
Saturday, March 8, 2008
climb
see the last 15 seconds..
see what she did? goodness!!
i think i'd have to date a wrestler to do that la. stupid raymond tan. :(
shall try it soon. heh heh.. ^^
Thursday, March 6, 2008
sleepy me
i feel like putting up a work schedule on the left bar below the omgs. to make myself more frustrated with the current state of my life cherish the free time i have for sleeping (not youtubing) and for meeting up with baby. but i'd probably leave it hanging there after one week, given my laziness busy-ness.
and you all know i did terribly for the last et mid term. in fact, i think i was right smack at the bottom for my emotions class. you might have thought i would put in a little more effort this time round. but guess what? yesterday, when i should be studying for my test, i slept the entire afternoon, evening, and youtubed my night away. i wouldnt be very surprised to know if i did badly for the social-cognition test.
and speaking of which, i am at the top of the bell curve for the i/o test. (average. like b-, c+ average. hais.)
the website demo for computing was a flop, especially when the group after ours looked so damn pro. (i think i'm finally going to utilise my s/u option.)
i didnt do well for my indonesian pr2. (from bagus sekali to cukup bagus. hopefully the 3rd one will bring me back to bagus sekali.)
this sem, my results will stop climbing north. :(
i smsed baby this morning to tell him that i love him and to remind him that its 6th march today. ^^
today's thursday, and on thursdays, we stay over at raymond tan's place. (because i finish school late, in time for him to send me home. so i conveniently stay over.) and i was just thinking, since he wont be able to send me home (ot), i should just sleep early and sleep at home, now that sleep is the numero uno prioritus (i made that up to rhyme).
my baby just replied my morning message, to tell me that he loves me to, and that he's going to hug me to sleep later. normally, i get ridiculously elated at that. today, what with the rainy cold, sleepy weather, i am actually not as happy as i should be. (i wouldnt want to use disappointed, because i'm not.)
oh well. i'm going to skip today's 6pm tb class, shall head home early today. maybe attend a make up tomorrow, maybe not. oh well, time for my euro history lecture, the second most boring lecture this semester. :(
and you all know i did terribly for the last et mid term. in fact, i think i was right smack at the bottom for my emotions class. you might have thought i would put in a little more effort this time round. but guess what? yesterday, when i should be studying for my test, i slept the entire afternoon, evening, and youtubed my night away. i wouldnt be very surprised to know if i did badly for the social-cognition test.
and speaking of which, i am at the top of the bell curve for the i/o test. (average. like b-, c+ average. hais.)
the website demo for computing was a flop, especially when the group after ours looked so damn pro. (i think i'm finally going to utilise my s/u option.)
i didnt do well for my indonesian pr2. (from bagus sekali to cukup bagus. hopefully the 3rd one will bring me back to bagus sekali.)
this sem, my results will stop climbing north. :(
i smsed baby this morning to tell him that i love him and to remind him that its 6th march today. ^^
today's thursday, and on thursdays, we stay over at raymond tan's place. (because i finish school late, in time for him to send me home. so i conveniently stay over.) and i was just thinking, since he wont be able to send me home (ot), i should just sleep early and sleep at home, now that sleep is the numero uno prioritus (i made that up to rhyme).
my baby just replied my morning message, to tell me that he loves me to, and that he's going to hug me to sleep later. normally, i get ridiculously elated at that. today, what with the rainy cold, sleepy weather, i am actually not as happy as i should be. (i wouldnt want to use disappointed, because i'm not.)
oh well. i'm going to skip today's 6pm tb class, shall head home early today. maybe attend a make up tomorrow, maybe not. oh well, time for my euro history lecture, the second most boring lecture this semester. :(
13 months.
i only just realised its the 6th. ^^
happy 13th month, baby..
its gonna be a hard month ahead, what with that ridiculously packed omg list there, working at singapore pools and baby's ots.
for a start, i dont actually think my school workload is that heavy. at least i dont have assignments to hand in, other than the occasional pr.
working at singapore pools is not as bad as it looks as well since i dont need to set alarm to wake myself up. its rather taxing right now because they're kinda insisting we (the newbies) commit at least thrice a week to familiarize ourselves, and this is that time of the semester when everything starts piling up. :(
baby's gonna be working ot alot this month. apparently, they have an order to complete, and my poor boyfriend has to do the delivery every day. baby thinks it'd be 8 deliveries per evening, and he'd only be able to finish after 9.
which essentially means i wont be able to meet him for dinner as often as i would like to. i thought it might be alright, since i could use that time to catch up on my readings and stuff. but you know what? its only been a day and i'm missing my baby already. yikes. all ray's fault for spoiling me.
which reminds me of that time when i freaked out after we arranged to meet and he cancelled on me last minute, because he was tired from work. and obviously, my boyfriend being the sweetest piece of shit came over immediately. i hate my boyfriend. he makes it so easy to just become dependent on him.
shall go sleep already. the et prof explicitly advised us to have enough sleep before our test. ^^
happy 13th month, baby..
its gonna be a hard month ahead, what with that ridiculously packed omg list there, working at singapore pools and baby's ots.
for a start, i dont actually think my school workload is that heavy. at least i dont have assignments to hand in, other than the occasional pr.
working at singapore pools is not as bad as it looks as well since i dont need to set alarm to wake myself up. its rather taxing right now because they're kinda insisting we (the newbies) commit at least thrice a week to familiarize ourselves, and this is that time of the semester when everything starts piling up. :(
baby's gonna be working ot alot this month. apparently, they have an order to complete, and my poor boyfriend has to do the delivery every day. baby thinks it'd be 8 deliveries per evening, and he'd only be able to finish after 9.
which essentially means i wont be able to meet him for dinner as often as i would like to. i thought it might be alright, since i could use that time to catch up on my readings and stuff. but you know what? its only been a day and i'm missing my baby already. yikes. all ray's fault for spoiling me.
which reminds me of that time when i freaked out after we arranged to meet and he cancelled on me last minute, because he was tired from work. and obviously, my boyfriend being the sweetest piece of shit came over immediately. i hate my boyfriend. he makes it so easy to just become dependent on him.
shall go sleep already. the et prof explicitly advised us to have enough sleep before our test. ^^
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
nail painting
instead of studying for my test.. i have been painting my nails..
yes, i know. i have just taken the devil's fast track to hell.
yes, i know. i have just taken the devil's fast track to hell.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
OMG
you see the OMGs there on the left?
OMG!!
how to blog like that? so much for sleeping and working and gaming over the mid sem break. i'm completely hooked onto the sims 2 right now. and as you have guessed, i left my school stuff - readings and all - collecting dust at home. its like all of a sudden, i've been jolted back into reality from my holiday mood. (ya.. the holiday mood was everywhere right up till mid sem break.) so dead.
i'm shall get back to studying for my euro history test, which is tomorrow. have not touched a single thing. and its nearing midnight. the map work is killing me. i'm hoping it wouldnt take up a huge proportion of the test because i've almost decided to give up on that. blah. shall photostat from my simulation group mate. she seems nice enough. blah.
i hate my eu module!!!
OMG!!
how to blog like that? so much for sleeping and working and gaming over the mid sem break. i'm completely hooked onto the sims 2 right now. and as you have guessed, i left my school stuff - readings and all - collecting dust at home. its like all of a sudden, i've been jolted back into reality from my holiday mood. (ya.. the holiday mood was everywhere right up till mid sem break.) so dead.
i'm shall get back to studying for my euro history test, which is tomorrow. have not touched a single thing. and its nearing midnight. the map work is killing me. i'm hoping it wouldnt take up a huge proportion of the test because i've almost decided to give up on that. blah. shall photostat from my simulation group mate. she seems nice enough. blah.
i hate my eu module!!!
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