while attempting to paint my nails just now, i realised mummy stole my purple nail polish. and then i discovered that i didnt have yellow polish, which happens to be ray's favourite colour. i also found out that i had the most number of pink, red and black polish, which were my favourite colours in different points throughout the year.
the new colour is now red, and i've officially gotten sick of gold.
and then i also became conscious of the fact that i didnt know what was rabbit's favourite colour. either i had forgotten, or i didnt know in the first place, it reminded me of the time when babe said that no matter how bad he was treating me, no matter what i said about him, about our relationship, he has never once said anything bad about me.
i suddenly feel disgustingly selfish. its good that the line has been drawn finally, because the rabbit had this inexplicable effect on me, which turns me into this crazy-assed neurotic freak.
i honestly cannot stand people who are totally full of themselves, like those shit-ass friends who call/sms only to tell me about their this and thats, and that's what i become with him. everything became about me, how i was being neglected, or ignored, how my needs were not being met. he never told me how he felt, and i never bothered to find out.
well, i really hope he can find some semblance of a sense of belonging in his next girlfriend. and i hope he settles for real.
you cant really stop expecting, but you'd have to come to a compromise. ^^
i shall go paint my nails. maybe green.
and then watch lost. season 4 (i think), and i completely hope that john locke the si botak dies off.
