stupid illness that takes away all the fun from being in the start of a relationship. blah!
i suddenly feel depressed that i have to reset my monthsary counter yet again. (knn, its like what now? not even one pathetic week.) what is wrong with me and that ridiculously latent ability to stay in any one fucking relationship. oh, i suddenly remember that meet up with darling tys, ct and vc, which reminded me that i'm not the only person who's been weaving in and out of relationships. ^^
16 months at both our longest. (i think la. who bothers to count such unexciting stuff?! oh, wait, i do.) shall see if miss tys or i break the curse first.
anyway, was talking to the boyfriend (i hate addressing him as such, sibeh 没有亲切感.. but till when i come up with a better name. you'd have to make do.) about un-publishing the last entry. i got freaked out for a bit when i realized that our overlapping social circles were wider than i thought. its a fucking small world, i tell you.
actually, i think part of the reason for wanting to remove the pictures had a bit to do with ah huat and her feel for having 便宜的把我给卖掉. i've already mentioned it, but my girlfriend-cum-toilet-buddy would have preferred it had i been swept off my feet by some sibeh yandao handsome boy. like i wouldnt.
handsome boy sounds wrong. totally wrong.
*sniggers*
tamade, i actually have a whole horde of verbal vomit to throw up on this space, but i've since come to the startling revelation that more people than i know may actually be reading this. kns de.
aiya, the point is, i'm actually still having second thoughts about having gone into the relationship. i know it doesnt sound fair, especially since i'm already in it. but its hard to dispel the feelings of insecurity. its like it feels so comfortable being around him, that it unsettles me a little. am i really as comfortable as i think i am, or am i forcing myself to be, or it is because i've just been yearning for that attention?
and then i cant help but feel as though we dont have as much stuff to say to each other than we'd had initially. i think i might be killing myself slowly with that overactive imagination.
do i love him? i kinda think i do. maybe not as much as it ought to be yet, but its growing bit by bit. like it makes me smile thinking about him, and it makes me a little pissed at not being able to see him the next couple of days. (stupid solmart. i'm still wondering why the hell did i agree to help out.) like i miss his hugs now, and that smelly smell ah huat got freaked out at, and with which i'm identifying him with.
gheesh, i completely hate my eyebrows. makes me look some random lao aunty. makes my right eye look tamade small. the only reason why i'll ever miss lcs is because he's chao lao, and the stupid boyfriend makes me look old beside him. and just to prove my point,
陈俊杰我为什么会跟你在一起?!
i look super old and fat beside my poor sickly-looking sick boyfriend. i am renouncing my earlier plans to attempt fattening him, because i kinda think i will be the one getting fattened up eventually. look at that fucking double chin!! knn.. i know can photoshop away, but whats the fucking point?! the fucking double chin is still fucking there even if i fucking photoshop it away and fucking try to cover the fucking thing up.
need. to. diet. (and knn, my stomach is growling. -_-")
okok. i shall go see if my bank account has been fattened up by last month's pay, and the gst credits. heh. makes me feel good thinking about it. then again, maybe i shouldnt check, might just get depressed yet again.
