*hidden entry #6*
its the 6th day, and the first words to pass between us were, 'bye', 'bye la.'
i'm beginning to wonder, the actual reason behind my willingness to wait for him. do i really love him? or am i doing it out of this childish recalcitrance. like i'm rebelling against my own inclination towards jumping from one relationship to the next. this time round, i will wait. i want to wait, because i want to break that curse, not because i love him. or not.
pwj asked me the other day, a question she asked him too, why do i want to be in a relationship with him? his answer matched my initial one, that we felt comfortable with each other, and that the level of communication seemed almost unmatched. he made me want to tell him things. he made me want to tell him all those years of shit which i've been trying to hide. but that reason has since gone to naught. it no longer exist once we started being together. i can no longer talk to him. i dont even tell him how i felt on a day to day basis. where is the communication? fucked up communication.
i still miss him. i miss that voice. i miss the laugh. i miss his smell. i miss being near him. i miss hugging him. i miss those kisses. i miss all there is about him.
but why?
