so a few days ago, i was randomly telling anyone who might care to listen that i was happily single (as i usually do each time i snap out of a relationship, just that it took me a little longer than what may have been expected to recover).
its almost 20 days since we broke up, and i dont see myself entering another relationship anytime soon. you know each time one ends, a part of me dies off, and the other day, it struck me as to how dangerously close to losing myself i was. its no secret that i dont believe in marriage. a lasting marriage is one that is built on responsibility, not love, and its just fucking sad thinking about it. (it might not actually be, but the whole notion of a love-less relationship, from first hand experience, sucks.)
now, i kinda think i'm losing faith in the whole idea of relationships.
爱是一个自私的念头, 把寂寞消除的理由
its almost as if that status is a golden key to things. and i'm just not really bothered anymore. both cjj and ray pointed out the fact that i'm just this little girl who needs someone to hug, and if that's the case, i dont think its difficult to find people to hug me to sleep. and if that's the case, i should just do away with the whole idea of a relationship, of commitment, so as to save the heartbreak.
its that above trail of thoughts that led me to the conclusion that i must be teetering on the edge of self-destruction.
speaking of self-destruction, i've recently developed this crazy addiction to beer. and i'm gong to indulge in my daily dose of carlsberg now. that, and my 2-a-day f-cup cookies. -_-"
