i need to stop faltering between 'i'm going to stick to my decision', and 'forget it, its heading nowhere'. i think i'm driving poor kk crazy with my changing mindset. but you know, the fact that i'm still thinking about it, brooding over it, actually shows that i still do care, and to a certain extent, i'm still somewhat committed to my earlier decision.
the only thing now is, how long and how many people. both ah fang and kk think that i probably wont break my previous record. and as much as i would like to think otherwise, fact that i'm faltering shows that inclination towards reversion back to being me. i really really really want to adhere to that decision i made about 2 weeks ago. i really really want to press on, but as time goes by, it seems to get more and more clouded.
i'm not used to not being loved. and even though i'm definitely loving myself more than i ever did, it still unsettles me abit, this whole situation i'm in.
omfg. i just spotted this laoya lizard. and right now, i'm fucking pek chek, because i'm just freaking terrified of lizards. like this afternoon, when jared made this lizard figurine from blutack, it was more than enough to send shivers up my spine. i cant even bear looking at the fake thing, and now, there's this gargantuan muthafucker in my room. actually, i think its a baby lizard, but all the same. come to think of it, baby lizards are more gross. then again, the fat ones seem more likely to drop from the wall. ah fuck. my hairs are standing already. nbcb.
i should have just slept on, instead of waking up at bloody 3am. -_-"
totally not able to continue blogging because of that kuku bird.
