christmas is the perfect time to fine tune your new year's resolutions. its fucking disgusting, but yes, i'm afraid we'd have to admit that 2008 is coming to an end. i'm fucking getting another year older. grrr..
i discovered, with great shock, the other evening, over dinner with gw, the actual reason behind my persistent procrastination to look for a job. i know, i graduated in may. fucking may. and i'm still stuck (i stick myself to it, really) where i am. working relatively long hours, and earning minimal wage. it really boils down to my contemptible fear for being independent.
its like, stepping into the corporate world, being an employed adult, holding a job with an actual position and real career prospects, all these. its like i'm taking an irrevocable step into the world of boring adulthood.
i dont want my conversations to revolve around financial situations, saving plans. i'm not afraid of the responsibilities, i'm not afraid of the stress, or of the workload. i just dont want to morph into that typical shenton way lunchtime work crowd. i dont want to blend into the canvas of the economy just like that.
and its fucking scary, because every day brings me one step closer to that boring picture.
my number one new year resolution this year, is to enjoy everything while it lasts. savour the remaining days of my almost-defunct-adolescent. fuck la. a-sai. i'm fucking 22 years old. -_-"
yes, i'm fucking 22 years old, and i still occasionally lie to my parents about coming home late. my number two resolution is to lie as little as i possibly can. the truth hurts. but i've had enough of lying, and making up more lies to cover up for the original lie. i'm almost like this compulsive liar now, lying about the most nondescript occurrence to the most trivial characters in the storyboard of my life.
i lied to the borders cashier that i wasn't interested in applying for the membership privileges. and that was the day i spent like $150 on fucking books. and i have this like monthly pilgrimage trip to bookstore. fuck. the number 3 resolution is that i'm going to keep a physical, hard-copy diary. and i'm going to fucking write every-fucking-day. even if its a one liner. i'm going to fucking write.
and its high time i started an offline journal. i'm venomous. my words seem to spread poison further than i think. its fucking ridiculous, but hell yea.
of course the usual apply. that i shall be as happy as i possibly can, and satisfied with whatever i have. that i should think less, and not let the future, which has not happened yet hinder my enjoyment of the present.
oh. and i need to sleep earlier, sleep more, sleep my eye bags away. i'd better start practising.
nights! ^^
