employed. finally.

I'M EMPLOYED!! :):)

Just signed the contract. My career will begin mid Jan, approximately 2 weeks for me to R&R (rot and rust). Finally, something with a better prospect, and the pay is considered not bad, according to baby.

I really ought to count my blessings.

199 on Christmas

199 come Christmas. :))

200 days of loving and no major quarrels to scar my bliss (nothing too major to etch a foothold in my memory anyway). I know its taboo to count my chickens before they hatch, but I haven't been this happy in a long long while.

Gold class movie and zoo trip soon!


My love says we're 2 smelly ones, I'd say we're 2 happy bouncy ones. :)

Madly happy at the moment even though its 48 hours before my next hug.

LEE MIN HO

John says that baby looks like LEE MIN HO in that photo I posted in my last entry.


(Don't like Goo Jun Pyo, and I think baby's nose is way nicer, and he's so much cuter than LMH. But still!!!)

Anyways, my silly boy forgot that he had work today, and just rushed off from my place. Partly my fault for over-hyping the half year thingy (it's in another hour). And, it reminded us of the last time I saw him at pools, back when he came for work on a day he wasn't scheduled. Lol.

So yea, it's been half a year already, and that surrealistic feeling is still lingering around. No presents though, given that both of us are dirt broke at the moment. Him, having lost his phone (already gotten a new one, and a hefty new one too), and me, having lost my wallet (the impending ic replacement fee, and all those membership card replacements, and my stupid starhub staff pass replacement).

Sigh. A sudden wave of sleepiness just washed over me.

And, oh. In case I change my mind about never going for another halloween party.



I honestly love Lady GaGa, she's completely wu seh. How many freaks can kiao kah play piano and sing the way she does? :)

:(

It's 4 am, I've to wake up for work in 3 hours, and I'm still awake.

Tummyache sucks. :(

LS damn smelly. :(

over dinner

At dinner in Cafe Cartel.







There's this super irritating Filipino family who emptied half the basket of bread. They've got this little girl with cheeks so chubby and droopy, she looks like my moony. (moony's the bulldog plushie baby got me from ikea)

And then the couple next to us. The girl looks rather sweet and pretty. Until she speaks. There's this unsexy vibe to Malaysian accents that quite rub me off the wrong way. Turn. Off.

Baby says he thought that girl looks like his ex gf. He thinks at a glance, her side view looks like his ex (of course you know I don't think so, I thought she looked like sai's friend though). So I said, "你这个贱货！想她对吗？" Baby replied me, "没有啦！她有大众脸嘛，满街都是，不像你，公主脸，这么难找。"

Sigh. Such is life. 明知道他只是讲爽哄我，也还是会暗爽一下。

Oh. Baby just said the semblance lie in their noses. Blah.

-- Post From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

I hate my boyfriend

I hate my boyfriend. He makes me cry over the smallest things. Like saying byebye over skype.

I hate my boyfriend. For making me miss him all the time.



Good night, love. See you soon.

random #48

I had a slight breakdown today. I think I may have overworked myself, what with the OTs everyday, and having OT-ed for three Saturdays in a row. Not to mention the lack of sleep.

I hate the rainy weather.

I miss rolling in bed with baby.

I topped up my waxing package and got rid of the yucky hair.

I bought my XJT cd even though I've already downloaded the whole track list.

Off to drink soup now. Hot yummy soup is the best for such cold weather. :)



My Love. :)

Oh, I had an epiphany the other day. I shall freaking not spend so much on food for the rest of the month. At this rate, I'll never get to Taiwan. :(

5 months

I love our expressions in this set of photos. :)








Happy 5th month love!! Don't 愁眉苦脸 la. Muacks.


A little update! Yi ma told baby that we looked nice in matching reds. :)



-- Post From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

MASK-ed :)

My boyfriend is really weird, he has this abhorrence for all things facial-ly. But his ex managed to overcome that gratuitous odium for masking, so it's kind of something we do every now and then. :)

In any case, I miss him alot now. Have been on MC for 2 days, and sticking to him for the entire duration of it. I'm still on MC till tomorrow, but have almost decided to go work. Sigh, the department's having this shift in perspective thingy, what with new heads, new rules, new shit, and it's really not a huge secret that more than half of us have lost the zest for work. Have zilch idea who to trust now, and it's really shitty. Been offered to convert to a permanent staff there, but really, if I find better offers . . .

I guess the sian-ness from work has taken a toll on my mental well-being. That omni-present state of depression is probably what caused my massive, massive quarrel with boyfriend 2 weeks back. Sigh, the bad vibes are still hovering around. Sometimes, it can be quite difficult to recover from quarrels, like the slightest tinge of unhappiness will just spark off the entire thing all over again.

I don't want to quarrel la. Because you know when we don't, we can be so happy.





:) Love you!

We belong to each other. :)

We belong to each other. :)


SEE! Got write name de hor!!


Hehe. Kinda boliao, I know. I'm trying to see how long this will last. Lol. :)

Nolboo Hangari Galbi

We have been attached for 4 and a half months, and have taken more than 2000 photos. Of which, 30% presents us in various stages of ingestion. It shouldn't be too surprising, then, if I were to say, more than half of our money is spent on food, glorious food.

We eat out alot, and because of my aversion to non-air conditioned places, and baby's tendency to indulge in my whims and fancies, we end up eating in restaurants most of the time. It is then ironic to consider that after all this while, we haven't set food in a Korean restaurant, until today, that is!

I think we must have been talking about it since the start of our relationship, when I was still addicted to WGM. It was also part of the plan, Korean BBQ, on his birthday. Somehow, we always end up eating other stuff.

There's this Korean BBQ place near Vivo/Haw Par Villa area, which I went with daddy and mummy eons ago. I remember it was really good, but somehow, I can't seem to find the place again. Subsequently, I thought Han Sang at Square 2 was not bad, and we almost went there, if not for the BBQ fumes, and my baby recovering from the longest coughing fit ever.

So when I saw Suleen's blog the other day, I immediately knew we had to go to that Nolboo place at Orchard Central. (The other factor being OC has special meaning for us la.)




We ordered the BBQ Sirloin (which baby thinks is damn shiok), the Jap Chae (which isn't very nice afterall) and kimchi pancake (which is super nice). It wasn't alot of food actually, and my boyfriend, as usual, finished it. :)




Made a deal with baby though, no restaurant food for the rest of the month. At the rate we're going, I'll never get to save enough for our tw trip next year.

Shall go patiently wait for baby to finish work now. Slightly hungry, wonder if he'd want to eat later.

roller-coaster

It was definitely disappointing, when I left the party at work to go meet him all the way at SIM, only to have him smile at me, and then continue with his Farm Frenzy. I don't believe I've ever made the effort to go meet any of my throng of ex-boyfriends after their work or school, and his unappreciative reaction caught me off guard, totally.

Sigh. There have been occasions aplenty when I've gotten frustrated at baby's very apparent inability to react. Underneath that boisterous front that he puts up, the raucous laughter and kitschy behavior, is really this silly animal (I choose to believe he's a pig, or a monkey. Or he might be some weird combination of both called pinky.) who's totally clueless about expressing himself.

But I know, he really loves me. He loves me when I start snoring in the middle of the night. He loves me when I blow him away with the super smelly farts. He loves me (a little less, but he loves me still) when I throw unreasonable tantrums. It's a roller-coaster ride, with high points and low points, and I should really be thankful that the low points are getting lesser and further apart. :)

I love my bf in the mornings, whether he's awake or sleeping. He was sleeping when I left for work yesterday morning, and he pouted and smiled at me in his semi-consciousness, before proceeding to bury his face behind my bolster. He stayed up all of last night so he could accompany me to work this morning, completely love when he jumped up to hug me from behind when I started rousing from my sleep.

I love my bf, and I know he loves me too. It's been hard on him, what with my disgusting work sucking out all the energy and zest in me. I'll be seeing him in 20 hours. Should go sleep now, so that when I see him later, I won't be as dull as I have been in the past few days. :)

Sigh. 我肥了。

Sigh. 我肥了。




I know. Very tak-glam.

I got slightly conscious half-way through reading, about the way I was sitting, too many voices from over the years breathing down my neck, 'sit properly', 'you are a girl leh', 'so tak-glam', 'chor lor' . . .

And then I looked up.



Yes, if you thought I was being tak-glam, you should have seen my bf. :)

It's not everyday that I find someone who lets me sit the way I want to sit, and makes me feel less conscious about it by sitting in that same tak-glam fashion. It's really not so much the 夫妻脸 that matters, but finding out that your bf shares the same bad habits.


Yes. Like flicking our pi sai off the bed. And farting in our sleep.




I love you baby. And I want to continue loving you for a long long time. :)

foxy

Sigh. I feel extremely guilty now for lusting after a Pekingese. I don't want a Pekingese anymore. I want foxy the 老母狗 to start barking again.

My poor baby just went to get a lump removed in her breasts and they conveniently sterilised my menopausal foxy while at it. :(



She's lying on the sofa now looking as forlorn as she's ever looked and not making a single noise. Mummy said she's been quiet throughout the whole ordeal and been that way since.

Sigh. We're taking turns to look in on her and make sure she keeps her legs closed to not tear the wound. The poor dear looks so tired but she keeps opening her eyes when she senses us nearing. :(

Not in a mood to blog now. Sigh.



-- Post From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

A few more things.

A few more things.

1. We've finally gotten our hair done. :)


I managed to trim those dry ends and my too-long fringe, and baby's gotten his hair nicely styled. He said the stylist sniggered when he made it known that we were going to dye the same colour.

Bloody stylist. Laugh at my baby. Humph!! (I know, the colour looks kinda different. :( Oh well.)

Sigh. Baby looks incredibly 帅 now. It's made me a little 没有安全感.

2. That silly boy went to buy me something. And he's ultra sneaky about it. We talked about it a little and he made it seem like I'm going to get it when he was planning to do so.


I know. Defeated the purpose of me getting it for him in the first place. But still, I'm honestly ultra, incredibly, unbelievably happy about it. Heh!!

We saw this couple who was wearing it earlier and I burst out laughing. It's gotten me on this whole matchy thing.

I need to get him new slippers anyway. His current pair . . . *tsk tsk*

I'm totally going to get him a new bag next. That sneaky boy has finally come clean about the origins of his crumpler, after giving me contradictory answers each time I inconspicuously manage to ask.

I'm going to go hug my loverboy to sleep now. Madly in love with him at the moment.


Nights all you jealous naysayers. Bleh!

A few things.

A few things.

1. I'm sick. Really sick, like totally groggy and aching all over. In fact, I nearly fainted while at the clinic earlier. Doctor said it was throat infection. (Probably a result of too much chips, overnight ktv after work and macs in the middle of the night.)

Sigh. So much for wanting to take MC for tomorrow. Now I've really fallen sick. :(

It's kind of frustrating right now with people fussing over me. Mummy called while I was napping earlier to ask if I was feeling better, and if I needed company to see doctor. Suratin went to make me porridge and egg because I had no appetite for normal food, and grandma made me chawanmushi to go with my porridge.



I called darling in the afternoon after deciding to come home from work. He offered to accompany me to the doctor, but I declined it because I knew he was tired, after going with me to meet John for macs supper late last night. Still, when he called me earlier after waking up from his nap, it affected me a little because he sounded unconcerned.

I guess the meds have made me delirious. :(

2. I finally got darling the man utd jersey that I've been meaning to for awhile. And with that, I've officially ran out of stuff I want to get him.



I'm really a staunch non-believer of occasions. I'd just get him stuff for the simple reason that I felt like it. Likewise, if there was an occasion and I feel pressured into getting him something, it could just end up an impulse buy that I regret or that he doesn't like. (There are exceptions, of course. Like his birthday gift, the iPod touch.)

3. We're finally getting our hair done tomorrow. I hope it doesn't turn out too much a disaster (like the last time). I still haven't decided on a colour yet, but I'm adamant about getting our hairs dyed. To think we were talking about it 4 months ago, when I was still hooked onto We Got Married.

Am. Like. Freaking. Excited. No amount of laryngitis can take that excitement away.

4. Oh, and he's finally gotten me to reconsider my desire to get a pug. I want a pekingese now. It's almost as fugly as a pug in most cases. :)

5. Sigh. I'm really caught between converting and moving off in a new direction, albeit doing something similar. Shall think it thoroughly through before I make any rash decisions I may come to regret. Oh well, it's still awhile before I have to make that decision. So, we shall see.

random #47

I'm irritated! Boyfriend keeps telling me I'm fat these days, and he refuses to let me 'so' his tummy. :(


变了! 礼物拿去就变了!!

Sigh, but I kind of have to admit that I am rather pale these days. That, and the crazy eye bags. Thankfully, I'm going to be on mid shift next week, which means sleeping in a little later, one meal a day, and that extra shift allowance. :)

And oh! Darling's birthday present. Totally loving the engraving.

Happy Belated, Love

原来不只是我开始怀疑了。 你的话让我觉得， ‘勉强是没有幸福的’。 我真的不想每次都为了同样的事情闹到两个人都不开心。 而且，像你说的，真的只是小事而已。 这三个月来，你为我做了什么？ 我很爱你，可是如果你也开始怀疑的话，我觉得，我走不下去了。



I'm tired everyday. My body has not reacted well to the sudden change in my circadian rhythm. I always feel like I don't have enough sleep, but because I'm not used to this sleep-wake pattern, my mind and body remains alert when I try to sleep at night.

The only thing that keeps me going in this relationship, the only thing that keeps me from giving up, is the constant reminder that you love me. 这三个月来，你为我做了最值得怀念的，是你给我的时间。 It's the putting together of all the times when you hugged me to sleep, of the times when you sat at the foot of my bed playing your games while I slept.

This is why I drag my feet to meet you after work whenever you say you can. This is why I pinch my thighs to stay awake to be on webcam with you.

And maybe that perpetual tiredness is the reason behind my unhappiness when you are not able to meet me because you were unwilling to wake up even after sleeping 14 hours. Maybe I'm just jealous. As much as I love to sleep, as much as I need my sleep, I'm trying to stay awake to see you as much as possible. This comes especially after our very diverse working hours have eaten up so much of the time I had that I could spend with you during the initial phase of our relationship.

And when you ask why I got so upset when all you were doing was sleeping, I didn't know how to answer you.
'I was upset because I wanted so much to see you, but you were more interested in your sleep.'
Did you really mean for me to say that?

Yes, you were only sleeping. Yes, it's better than all the other vices that you could have had. But to me, all I wanted, was to spend with you, whatever little time I have left, after taking away my working hours, your working hours, and now, your schooling hours.

I know you are at a loss when I get upset over such unavoidable issues. I know you become affected by my unhappiness, and I'm really trying not to show my despondency, not to lose my patience when we're together.

But I'm really tired, and it seems like no matter how hard I try, it's not good enough for us, and I really don't know what to do anymore.


Happy belated birthday, my love. I'm sorry for our lacklustre celebration, and I'm sorry your present can only arrive on the 28th. I hope it will keep you company when I'm not there.

And yes,

just so you know
phoebe loves you. muacks

Love You Laogong! ^^

On webcam the entire night with Abc, and I'm not having enough sleep now because of his noisy games. :(

When my alarm sounded this morning, my very cute bf made me go visit poot poot in pet society. ^^

Forgot to mention that bf is starting school today, which means less time for me. :( oh well, have a good day in school baby.


Love you laogong!

I Love You, Darling.

So, it was our 100th day the other day.

And to tell the truth, I think, so far, my relationship with Abc, can only be described as nondescript at best. I won't deny that we've been spending alot of time together. More so than any of my past relationships, and I only have him to thank, for the stay overs and for spoiling me with all that attention and presence. But that, as far as it goes, is lackluster. Blissfully lackluster, but still, unremarkable and bland.

Which is probably why I tend to look forward to all those special occasions that we've been talking about. Like that 100th day thingy.

I'm trying to be a better gf for Abc, and that includes putting up with his laid back attitude, his gaming antics, sacrificing a little of my sleep time, heaving my lazy ass off the bed in the middle of the night to pour him warm water, etching a smile on my face when I'm ultra tired to all those things that I would normally have flared up at.

I'm not quite the fantastic gf I wish I was, and on our 100th day, I broke down, because I'd been so looking forward to it, and he wanted to cancel it because of the cough which has plagued him for weeks. I know now as I knew back then, that I can't really blame him for being sick, but looking back, I must say, I genuinely felt unappreciated.

I didn't know if he's acknowledged all the little things I've done, I didn't know if he realized that I'd been freaking tired every day, I didn't know if he realized that I haven't been going out with the crazy colleagues because I wanted to save a little more so that he didn't have to pay for everything. It's tiring because I tend to take so many things into consideration, things that I don't even know if he realizes.

And because I had been so looking forward to that day, he made me wonder if he's even taken it into account at all.

In any case, the whole incident has blown over. We made up. Honestly, I don't know where we're headed for. I'm afraid these things might happen again, and I'm afraid when they happen again, I'd lose the faith to carry on. I know my bf loves me, and I love him too, right now it seems as though that's all that matters, but during the dark moments when the tears start falling, it feels like love isn't enough afterall.

I'm scared. I really don't want to quarrel. I don't want to start doubting and undermining our love.



I love you, darling. It seems as though I can never tell you enough times to really let you know. I don't ever, ever, ever want to quarrel with you again.

100

My bf wants me to blog about how I've been spending time with him. And how much I love him.

Yes my dear. Happy 100th day.


-- Post From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

happy third month darling.

It has been a long hard day at work. My head is spinning, from all the nonsense I've had to deal with, from all the ridiculously demanding customers.

Today has been my worst day at SH thus far.


And today, is coincidentally the worst day in my relationship with ABC.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to talk about it, because if he's no longer angry, I don't want this to provoke him again.

But I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm disappointed, I'm upset, I'm at a loss, I'm tired, and for the first time, more than ever before, I'm not sure if this relationship is working out.

Happy third month darling.
Thanks for bringing me to the Science Centre.
Thanks for the haircut.
Thanks for getting along with Ryan as well as you did.
Thanks for getting me my pills.
Thanks for the New York New York, for the Shokudo desserts, for the pathetically discounted Sakae and for the very filling Ichiban.
Thanks for Sea Monsters, for UP (which is my favouritest movie at the moment), for The Proposal, for Year One (which was the worst ever movie), for District 9, for FD4 and for the Time Traveler's Wife.
Thanks for accompanying me to work in the mornings.
Thanks for hugging me to sleep.
Thanks for loving me, and letting me love you for as long as we have.

from out of nowhere

>

All of a sudden, I just want my boyfriend to know that I'm madly in love with him, and I really really really want us to always be as happy as we have been.

Let's go do the reverse bungee thing on our 100th. ^^

random #46

I'm scared. I'm getting these fainting spells again. It hasn't happened since JC days (at least not so much). Almost blacked out three times this week, and that last time, I really did, in the cinema toilet at Iluma. Was jolted back to my senses when my phone vibrated from ABC's message.

It's really no fun waking up swathed in cold sweat, not being able to see and hear clearly, not being able to walk properly, and in a strange, unfamiliar place. The boyfriend was a little upset that I only told him after the whole ordeal. It's nice knowing he wants to be there, but I hope it doesn't happen again though.


On another note, I finally finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife. The thing about me is that I hate finishing books, especially good books, and I feel super lost now because there is nothing to look forward to. I have The Lovely Bones lying next to me, but it's almost disrespectful to start on something else so quickly after I finished such a good book. It's kinda crazy really. I'm now thinking if I should watch the movie, because I cried watching the trailers, I think I might cry throughout the entire thing. -.-"

The book is that damn good.


And oh, I saw Sandra the other night at The Cathay. Bf and I were watching The Proposal. She really isn't as bad as her ex-bf made her out to be. I guess I should have known.


It sucks to have to name my entry Random, especially since I haven't been blogging these days. I hate the way my blog entries are becoming as pathetic as they are now, but there isn't alot left for me to write when I've been updating all my thoughts via Twitter these days.

And oh, before I go change and get ready to give my darling a surprise by popping down to meet him after work, I really really really want a pug. :( It's so fugly-ly cute. ^^

i mad love my bf. ^^

I was suddenly overwhelmed with happiness the other day, when bf told me that time flies by when one is happy, and he said he hadn't realized we'd been together this long. Well, we've only been together 2 months to begin with, but my completely endearing bf said that he was under the impression we've only been together for a month.

But I remember the photo album. I remember the Science Center. And so, I remember it's 2 months. :))


Went for our haircut yesterday, and the stupid lady made a mess of bf's hair. Even mummy, who has been complaining about how long bf's hair is, commented that it was a tad too short. I think I must be slightly delusional, because I honestly think it's super cute. I would have loved it, if not for the fact that it would make me look super old beside my already childish bf, who looks like a sec school boy (that was from DiDi).

ABC, who's the first person to get his hair cut with me, at a shabby, sleazy, laoya place that made a mess of his hair, no less.
ABC, who's the first bf to keep me company while I am manicuring (well, he had a pedicure. but still).
ABC, who's the first person to bring me to the Science Center.
ABC, who's the first bf to have his feet bitten by fishes with me, and technically the first person with whom I held hands through the itching (because Ah Fang, that mad woman, was not affected by the itch at all).
ABC, who's the first person to get my flowers, in the form of balloons (note that I didn't say buy). I still have one rose floating in the room, after the other one flew out the window.
ABC, who's the bf with whom I've taken more than 1300 photos with in the span of 2 and a half months.
ABC, who's the only bf to have so seamlessly integrated into my life (well, he's the only person I bothered to introduce to the people I hang out with, and I've been going out with the new colleagues like super a lot).
ABC, who's the bf with the fastest and highest stay-over rate.
ABC, who's the bf I had to wait on most, all the cooking, washing up, and picking up after. All those things, which I haven't been doing since before I started work.
ABC, who's the only bf to really hug me to sleep, through the night.
ABC, who kisses me when I least expect it.
ABC, who's been returning the favor I did when I accompanied him to and from work back then.
ABC, who sticks to me as much as I want to stick to him.

My bf is a little childish at times. He's quite bitchy, in fact, I think he's bitchier than I am. He sometimes forgets my presence when he's gaming. It can be a little difficult trying to wake him up, and it's totally disastrous when he farts. He can be a little hard to please, and his pms syndromes are worse than mine. When he gets in the mood, he can be super annoying, and he gets upset when I try to ignore him. He sings out of tune most of the time, but still he insists on singing damn loudly. He's super lazy when it comes to baths and washing up after he's done eating.

My bf is not perfect. He's not even as shuai as he was because the stupid lady made a mess of his hair. (But he's damn cute with that tooty nerdy look, and did I mention how very much I adore the teeny weeny itsty bitsy tummy that's very slightly bulging?) I've been getting upset at him these days, he's been getting upset at me too. But who doesn't get upset at his/her gf/bf? I know my bf loves me. And I can only hope he knows that I love him too. ^^





i love you darling.

Massively love this picture!!

Boyfriend says it looks cute. Hehe. :))

I think it looks as though we both need to have our hair cut.



-- Post From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

I want to upload Photos!

For some obscene reason, I can't upload photos to blogger (and I'm too lazy to host it elsewhere at the moment).

Tons of photos to post from Science Centre yesterday. HeHe. ^^

Kinda irritated that I can't post pictures now, because I doubt I'll have the feel to upload them again next time. Went singing with Pepsi and bf, Thia, Boxer, Ah Beng and the San Ba (he very san ba, but I still think ABC more san ba.) the other night, and I honestly think going K doesn't satisfy the singing feel at all. It made me want to sing more. Urgh.

Yeps, ABC and I went to the Science Centre yesterday, after procrastinating for the longest time ever. It wasn't that crowded, considering the fact that yesterday was a Sunday, and a public holiday too. Still, we didn't have enough time to cover all the exhibition halls there. Think we spent a little too much time at the Da Vinci hall. That man is a genius really.

And my smelly bf bullied kids into letting him play with those interactive games they had on display (like how san ba lor). -.-"


Attempted to be nicer to ABC by cooking breakfast for him earlier, but the potatoes totally failed, and I forgot to put in the cheese in my omelette because I was reading. Shall cut potatoes into smaller pieces next time, and not read while I fry omelettes.

Stupid UP in 3d is like sold out everywhere. I wanna watch lor. :(


Sigh. I love my bf. Shall go bully him now. ^^

Falling Falling Falling

Fucking twitter is down. :(

For the first time, I REALLY think, and I REALLY FEEL, that his games, and his other activities (READ: MJ, FUCKING MJ) have taken precedence over me. I suddenly feel so stupid.

So he's not meeting me. So he wants his own space and his own time. So he can't keep coming over because he's been spending too much time at my place. So he wants to game on the familiarity of aDell. So he wants to MJ. But no, he can't, because he has to come see me, because he needs his shoes.

Must be the bloody weather, and all the heat rash I've been getting. I'm uber pissed now.

MJ. His own space and time. MJ. His own space and time. MJ.

WHATEVER. Maybe he doesn't mean it that way, I'm sure he doesn't. But why the fuck do I have to create excuses for him? Why the fuck is the only sound emanating from my phone that of the fucking alarm telling me to take the fucking pill.

I'm damn pissed. And I really don't know why.


Those of you who has been plotting to see our downfall can start showing the first signs of your celebrations. I haven't been this sad/disappointed/angry/lost/confused/pathetic in ages.


I really really really really really feel like crying now.


*UPDATE. FUCKING UPDATE.

I wanted to remove this entry. Because I've more or less realized that I'm over-reacting. But no. He had to come tell me that he's going to go MJ afterall. So that's it then.

I'm really upset. I'm really disappointed. I'm really on the brink of tears now. So this is how long it took for all those other things to start entering. So this is how much I really mean to you at the end of the day.

It's really a tiny matter, for me to feel this worked up over. But if you added up everything that happened from late morning, you'd realize that I've had a shitty time, trying to convince myself that he doesn't mean what I thought he did.

It sucked a little initially, when he told me he can't keep coming over because he's not been spending much time at home, and his mom and his grandma were complaining a little. That much, I totally understand. It's not like I didn't care, because I do know, how worried and upset mummy gets when DiDi stays out for days, and I always ask if he needs to go home. I don't want to be the reason for anybody's unhappiness. Yes, its pretty lame, but I do feel that way, and I can't help it.

But this morning, it hurt, when he told me that I was taking it badly, when he suddenly told me he needed his own time and space. Because I've never insisted for him to come over. Because I always tried to make things better for him. And suddenly, I'm no longer allowed to let him know that I miss him?

I don't mind when he's glued to kiwi most nights. I'm trying not to grumble when he procrastinates showering and sleeping because of all those ridiculously meaningless fb games. I don't want to make things ugly, when the time that we have left for each other, has been so much shortened because of my having to work.

I got upset because when he asked if I were happy that he's coming to meet me to collect his shoes, I told him there's nothing for me to be happy about, and he, in turn, got upset at my reply, and said that I've changed. There really isn't anything to be happy about, when he's made it so explicit that he didn't want to, if he could have helped it. It certainly didn't make things any easier, when he disappeared after lunch, presumably to sleep, when I had all these negativity swarming around my head, and I was trying real hard to fight them off.

If he wanted to see me half as much as I wanted to see him, he'd have known how much it hurts to know that he''s not here by choice.

I know that I think too much. I know that sometimes, I can be over-sensitive. I know I don't exactly have the tamest temper around. I know I've been hot and cold too much, too often. But really, I feel stupid when he woke up, when he woke up and it was as if nothing happened, and then suddenly he's going over to MJ. And all day today, I kept telling myself to not let that pathetic misunderstanding get to my head.

I'm utterly and completely disappointed and shocked now. Because after all that he's said, all that has been left undone, he decided to go MJ. I know there are people who read my blog. I know YH, who jio-ed him to MJ, reads this, and I should let him know that I'm more than happy he's jio-ing ABC to MJ. I'm just completely upset at the way my bf handles things, I'm just completely upset at the way my bf handles my feelings. But I do know that he loves me.

I think he realizes that I'm unhappy, but he's left it at that. Like how it always is.

He told me, before we got together, that he was always pulling when she pushed away from him, but when he did, she let him, and she left him. So then now, why does it feel like he was never here each time I start crying, each time I feel unloved. Why hasn't he been here ever? I wonder if he realizes, that I make that first call, I make that first message each time something happens.

I shall let it be known, that I used to pour all these unhappiness to CJJ, because despite everything that happened, I still think that there were special moments shared between us, there are some sides to me that only he knows, and I talk to him, rather than to anyone else, because I thought he could tell me the things I wanted and needed to hear.

But I'm not exactly talking to CJJ now, because it upsets ABC to know that I do (like how it would upset me, if he did the same), and because I'm guilty because I always give CJJ that stupid attitude during the times he talk to me.


It's really too small a matter for me to get so upset at him. But somehow, I cannot help that disappointment. The biggest pain and the biggest hurt, comes from disappointment. When you're disappointed, its only because somehow, you had higher expectations, hopes that fall through.

Let's bet - I will have to message him before he does. Even though I sent him a long and spiteful message in reply to him telling me he's going to MJ.
Let's bet - that even if he did message me, it would be as if nothing happened, he wouldn't acknowledge my disappointment in him, he wouldn't bother to tell me anything else.

It really really really hurts. And I'm going to stop blogging now, because its getting too hard to see with my vision clouded by all those tears.


This was my favourite quote a few years ago, when I was obsessing over Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Marlene Dietrich and the likes, and recently, I saw it again.

I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.
But if you can’t handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.

小题大做

I kinda feel as if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. (WTF is a molehill anyway.)

I'm not even that upset anymore really. Sigh. I hope he's not as pissed as it seems. :((

-- Post From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

Am I supposed to be happy?!

I convinced ABC that he should come over at 3am this morning, instead of meeting me after work today and staying over. I honestly felt it was better that way, because the shift that he took over from CYS had a returning cab to my area. I kinda find it hard to disregard the comments he that he tells me he's getting, each time he requests to change his destination. They aren't exactly mean. I just don't like to feel as though I'm inconveniencing other people. (Major pet peeve.)

So he's not coming over later. There's nothing to rejoice about, is there? I casually whined about how long it would take before I could see him again. I thought it was casual because I do it all the time, but ABC thought I was serious about it, and he concluded that I'm not taking his not coming over too well. He then went on to tell me that he would like to have his own time and space as and when, and it feels as though he's complaining that I've been too time demanding on him, which I may have, but I've never insisted upon it.

Earlier, he suddenly remembered that he left his shoes at my place. Shoes that he'd be needing tomorrow. He then went on to tell me that it wouldn't take that long before I could see him again. He suggested coming over in the morning to collect his shows, and asked if I'm happy that I'll see him in less than 24 hours.

I. Don't. Think. So.

因为没办法才来 meet 我，有什么好高兴的？

So now he thinks I've changed. Am I supposed to be happy when my boyfriend tells me he needs his own space and time but is coming to meet because not by his own accord, but because of some blunder he accidentally made?

I'm happy to see you. I always am. But how can I be, when you explicitly state that you'd rather not?

And now he's pissed. And he's going to buy a new pair later. So it's my fault for being too sensitive. Is that it?

I'm pissed too. Who's changed?! I really don't want to make it a big deal because I agree that he spends alot (maybe too much) time here with me. It's a fact that I think I've mentioned all too often. I understand if he wants to have his own time, if he wants to stay home because his mom and grandma haven't seen him in ages. And when I say I understand, it means I'm ok with it. It means I'm not exacty upset by it. BUT does that mean I'm happy about it? No it doesn't.

Enough is never really enough. I don't subscribe to the belief that people get sick of their other halves, because I kinda think that if they do, then maybe that other half isn't really the right half. Every minute that I don't get to spend with you, I wish I could. (Ok, kua zhang-ing. Maybe every FEW hours.)

I'm getting increasingly upset by the situation now. Will blog again. :((

I hate it when ppl make me feel like I'm being an inconvenience. And he just did that.

-- Post From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

When I sometimes take things for granted.

Sometimes, I do take things for granted. But maybe that's how life is supposed to work.

ABC told me, before we fell asleep last night, that he'd be going home today. He said he'd been spending a little too much time over at my place, and it'd be good if he went home. That was after telling me about gaming plans for Sunday night.

When we woke up at close to 6pm today, he mumbled something in reply to YH's SMS about the gaming session later the night. And since then, he's been at it. Fluctuating between wanting to stay with me because we haven't been spending alot of time together, and wanting to game. My short Sunday passed in a mirage of him declining to go home when I suggested it and him trying to find ways of still being able to join their dota session at my place.

I completely, more than appreciate him choosing to stay over and just accompany me. It's an understatement if I say I'd prefer it if he were here. I more than just want him here, what with me and my hourly-rated (read: lowly paid), office hour (read: sucky) job.

But really, the guilt that comes with keeping him here, sometimes, it makes me feel as though his time would be better spent at home. It doesn't help when we never do anything save for sleeping and eating. It doesn't help when he occasionally remind me of the list of things he could do with aDell.

Just awhile ago, I got upset at him. At times, I really have no idea what he wants of me. And despite that frustration, I reminded myself that my bf is here because he loves me. When in the past I would have back-faced him and drifted off to my dreamland (yes, I was tired and sleepy), earlier, I ignored my unhappiness and asked if I could hug him to sleep.

By the looks of it and the fact that he's there on kiwi and I'm here blogging on wiwi, things didn't turn out well afterall.

I'm tired. I'm trying to be appreciative. I know I'm probably not his best gf, that probably sometime in his past, there was someone who loved him more than I do, gave him more than I have and treated him nicer than I can. But I'm really trying. And I'm trying my hardest yet.

Darling, I'm at my wits' end already. I'm doing everything in my entire inventory of niceness to make you and make us happy. I know we're not exactly qiarrellibg, but this whole situation, all that unhappiness dangling in the air, it doesn't make much of a difference at all.

I don't want to get upset at you. I don't want to stop loving you. I really don't.


-- Posted From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

random #45

This is disgusting. I know I need to update my blog, there are a thousand and one things I can blog about, but all I can think of right now, is how much I miss my boyfriend. It's incredible that over the weekend, it seems as though I've experienced a thousand-fold increase in my infatuation for ABC.

And that, doesn't come without drawbacks. For one, I woke up to a terrible nightmare this morning, about how ABC was meeting up with all these women for secret rendezvous. The endearing boyfriend has been ridiculously generous with his assurances, but if this keeps up, the most patient person would eventually flare up at me. I need to stop being paranoid for no reason.


And so I have been busy. Work has been incredibly enjoyable, with my crazy colleagues, who were here for mahjong the other night, much to my mother's chagrin. Oh, I haven't mentioned that my mother was suspected of being infected with the H1N1 virus all of last week. She's almost recovered already anyway. Mahjong with those people was a tremendously noisy affair, what with DNB (Dua Neh Bu -- Alan) bringing his boyfriend, Pepsi bringing hers, Thia and AngBerry sharing and ABC and I squabbling. As much fun as it should have been, all 8 of us squeezing in my cosy (READ: MESSY) room, we really need to take into consideration my grumpy mother, who's milking all the worth there is, in her being suspected H1N1 carrier.

Sigh. All that fun is coming to an end soon. Training will be coming to a close and we're about to start work proper. :(


Have been eating alot recently. And I really mean ALOT. If I don't put a stop to the way I'm eating, it wouldn't take too long before I really become ABC's obese girlfriend. And it's really irritating that the skinny boyfriend is complaining about how fat HE is. -.-"

I hate skinny people. And I hate eating non-stop.


I'm going to watch Gossip Girls now, and I'll sleep early tonight, since the boyfriend won't be coming over. Daddy just told me my eye bags look like shit. :(

random #44

The good news is, I'm no longer upset with ABC. ^^

Like really, how long does it take people to realize that my pissed-off-ness comes and goes like the wind. As usual, I over-reacted. That said though, it's not exactly a bad thing that I at least got to air some of the grievance that I've been keeping cooped up inside me.

I'm massively and hopelessly in love with my boyfriend, who's gotten me the new XJT album, which I've been pining for, and who keeps springing surprises on me, even though I'm developing a certain knack at predicting them. But appearing at my doorstep to send me to work, even though work is 15 minutes away, sigh. My boyfriend loves me too. ^^


Okie, before this turns into some love declaration that sends people puking away, which I really don't mind, there's still bad news to be shed.

And the bad news is, I'm still awake. It kind of makes no sense to go to sleep now, if I have to wake up in half an hour. And I've to wake in half an hour because I'm worried about the sleepyhead oversleeping. Oh well, I guess, it'd be another long and sleepy day at work later.

I know, I haven't blogged about work. There's nothing to talk about really, we're having classroom training for two and a half weeks, followed by another week and a half of on-job training. So till then, it's pretty boring stuff. Of course, I've got great and crazy company, though they can be a little sleepy, especially after lunch.

The only good thing about work, though, is that its 15 minutes away. But then, that's about to change soon. I've two weeks of training at lousy Ayer Rajah, which is really like having to go to NUS all over la. Sigh.


Anyway, the new HP movie sucked. You would think HP4 sucked, given that they took away the entire Quidditch World Cup and stuff, but really, HP6 sucked balls. The only thing that's worse than deleting important scene is adding rubbishy ones.


Met up with Ying Si and the girls last week to celebrate her birthday. It's been a long time since I last saw them, and my fault really, for not turning up for the meet-ups they regularly have.

The birthday girl! ^^




I was wearing pants. Most of the pictures turned out rather obscene, really. Huai Yue told me at least three times to pull down my shorts. But it's not that bad in person. Really. -.-"


Kind of lazy to upload the other pictures, they're all on facebook anyway.

Shall head off to dream about my darling boyfriend for an hour and a half before I have to drag my ass off the bed to prepare for work. :(