i am deleting. realised the futility of it all after having yet another unnecessary conversation. kk used to tell me, cpl hated the fact that he got to decide everything that concerns us. he initiated it. he ended it. he wanted it back. he decided not to. he wanted it back again. and he got cold feet. he wanted it back again. and realise he cannot handle it.
sounds kinda right. but the things that happen in the midst of it all, i think only ppl involved will fully understand. he put in his efforts, i did too. but things are just not meant to be. his fault, yes. my fault too.
i'm terribly upset at the accusation laid by one of his friends. the friend claimed that he didnt understand why was i the one in charge of making the decisions. like i've ever had a say in the whole situation. he didnt know that it was his friend who wanted it, left it, wanted it, left it. he didnt know that i was a silly kitty following following following. he didnt know that there was a silly puppy following following following behind the silly kitty. he didnt know that his friend was a silly hamster. assumptions, people. tsk.
so, delete delete delete.
the more i love the more i delete. deleted msn. deleted facebook. deleted smses. deleted photos. maybe in time i will be able to delete him from my heart. ^^
heng, i havent gotten around to developing photos.
right now, i feel absolutely positive, but if you know me like i do, you'd probably know that the positivity ebbs away in time. it wouldnt take very long, or very much to reduce me to a bundle of nerves. my second foreboding birthday in a row. that stupid cheapo who probably just wanted to save on the present. bleh.
i think i'm really bordering on the edge of depression. i heard voices in my head all last night. i slept with my eyes open. its almost catatonic. the way i desperately tried to reach for my bolster and yet i cant move. its fucking scary this sensation and i havent felt it in a long while.
ok. before i scare ppl, i should really say, i think i was probably sleep walking. ^^
back to the task of deleting. ^^
