this is it again, this is the time of my life when i feel like blogging every minute. consequence of the fact that i dont have many who i can talk to. and the few that i have, i wont be able to tell the complete picture. i wont hide the entries, despite them being in a state of unfit for publication. its a healing journey!!
it sucks that at this instance, i'm hoping he changes his mind. i'm still hoping it was an impulse decision. but i guess not. this thing, keeps recurring. it might be better to let the love drown out in all the pain that surrounds now. it would suck to have to go through this repeatedly.
i told him this afternoon, that what's happening now is just another stamp in the 'to be loved is better than to love' card. he thinks i'm being drastic. like how i told him back then that i find it increasing hard to believe in love. one day, i might become someone who sleeps around for that instantaneous physical contact and comfort. its hard to believe in love when ppl you love continually disappoint you. and i'm not just talking about relationships.
i need to stop thinking about cjj, but somehow, i hope i dont. there's no wait this time. because i've been waiting all this time. when he puts a stop to the wait, whats left that i can do?
i honestly think, i've done everything i could in this fucked up relationship. i dont dare to hope anymore, and i dont dare to think that i dont hope anymore. because i'm scared. i just hope the love slowly goes away, because i dont dare confront it. and i no longer have my cushion to fall back on.
in any case, MUST STAY POSITIVE. shall swoon over how fucking shuai nick carter is. ^^
