no matter what you do, how much you love me, its him that i want. even if he doesnt want me anymore, even if he no longer comes back, that doesnt mean i'm going to settle for you.
i know you love me. i know you dont even mind that i dont love you, you're more than willing to be here for me, to support me in shitty times like these, to be the person standing next to me. but cant you see? its him that i want. your presence, is not enough.
these are hard times. i'm hurt. i'm broken. the heartache that i feel is real. its constant. its suffocating. its depressing. it shuts out all the hope in the world. it sucks out all the energy that i have left after sleepless nights. i want somebody to lean on. i've been spoilt, i've been pampered. and i dont know how to handle this on my own. but its time i grew up. this is why he had to leave. and if i am to ever find my self worth again, i have to do it on my own.
its hard enough. its hard enough to have to handle all this pain. all the hopes dashed repeatedly. everytime i try to believe in him, he does things to hurt me. but i keep trying. i keep hoping. i keep believing. kk says, 'as long as 2 ppl are willing to work things out together, everything can be solved'. you're not the person i want to work things out with. you've never been. its always you working things out for us. its him i want. its him i love. its him i miss.
it doesnt matter how much i've come to depend on you. it needs to stop. i cant afford to have you here, after all that's happened. i dont want you.
i'm drowning. with you here, i'll never learn to swim. its really hard enough. i dont have the energy left to reason with you, to keep pushing you away.
i know you love me. i just. i just want to love the person that i love. i just want to love him.
