This is disgusting. I know I need to update my blog, there are a thousand and one things I can blog about, but all I can think of right now, is how much I miss my boyfriend. It's incredible that over the weekend, it seems as though I've experienced a thousand-fold increase in my infatuation for ABC.
And that, doesn't come without drawbacks. For one, I woke up to a terrible nightmare this morning, about how ABC was meeting up with all these women for secret rendezvous. The endearing boyfriend has been ridiculously generous with his assurances, but if this keeps up, the most patient person would eventually flare up at me. I need to stop being paranoid for no reason.
And so I have been busy. Work has been incredibly enjoyable, with my crazy colleagues, who were here for mahjong the other night, much to my mother's chagrin. Oh, I haven't mentioned that my mother was suspected of being infected with the H1N1 virus all of last week. She's almost recovered already anyway. Mahjong with those people was a tremendously noisy affair, what with DNB (Dua Neh Bu -- Alan) bringing his boyfriend, Pepsi bringing hers, Thia and AngBerry sharing and ABC and I squabbling. As much fun as it should have been, all 8 of us squeezing in my cosy (READ: MESSY) room, we really need to take into consideration my grumpy mother, who's milking all the worth there is, in her being suspected H1N1 carrier.
Sigh. All that fun is coming to an end soon. Training will be coming to a close and we're about to start work proper. :(
Have been eating alot recently. And I really mean ALOT. If I don't put a stop to the way I'm eating, it wouldn't take too long before I really become ABC's obese girlfriend. And it's really irritating that the skinny boyfriend is complaining about how fat HE is. -.-"
I hate skinny people. And I hate eating non-stop.
I'm going to watch Gossip Girls now, and I'll sleep early tonight, since the boyfriend won't be coming over. Daddy just told me my eye bags look like shit. :(
Monday, July 27, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
random #44
The good news is, I'm no longer upset with ABC. ^^
Like really, how long does it take people to realize that my pissed-off-ness comes and goes like the wind. As usual, I over-reacted. That said though, it's not exactly a bad thing that I at least got to air some of the grievance that I've been keeping cooped up inside me.
I'm massively and hopelessly in love with my boyfriend, who's gotten me the new XJT album, which I've been pining for, and who keeps springing surprises on me, even though I'm developing a certain knack at predicting them. But appearing at my doorstep to send me to work, even though work is 15 minutes away, sigh. My boyfriend loves me too. ^^
Okie, before this turns into some love declaration that sends people puking away, which I really don't mind, there's still bad news to be shed.
And the bad news is, I'm still awake. It kind of makes no sense to go to sleep now, if I have to wake up in half an hour. And I've to wake in half an hour because I'm worried about the sleepyhead oversleeping. Oh well, I guess, it'd be another long and sleepy day at work later.
I know, I haven't blogged about work. There's nothing to talk about really, we're having classroom training for two and a half weeks, followed by another week and a half of on-job training. So till then, it's pretty boring stuff. Of course, I've got great and crazy company, though they can be a little sleepy, especially after lunch.
The only good thing about work, though, is that its 15 minutes away. But then, that's about to change soon. I've two weeks of training at lousy Ayer Rajah, which is really like having to go to NUS all over la. Sigh.
Anyway, the new HP movie sucked. You would think HP4 sucked, given that they took away the entire Quidditch World Cup and stuff, but really, HP6 sucked balls. The only thing that's worse than deleting important scene is adding rubbishy ones.
Met up with Ying Si and the girls last week to celebrate her birthday. It's been a long time since I last saw them, and my fault really, for not turning up for the meet-ups they regularly have.
The birthday girl! ^^
I was wearing pants. Most of the pictures turned out rather obscene, really. Huai Yue told me at least three times to pull down my shorts. But it's not that bad in person. Really. -.-"
Kind of lazy to upload the other pictures, they're all on facebook anyway.
Shall head off to dream about my darling boyfriend for an hour and a half before I have to drag my ass off the bed to prepare for work. :(
Like really, how long does it take people to realize that my pissed-off-ness comes and goes like the wind. As usual, I over-reacted. That said though, it's not exactly a bad thing that I at least got to air some of the grievance that I've been keeping cooped up inside me.
I'm massively and hopelessly in love with my boyfriend, who's gotten me the new XJT album, which I've been pining for, and who keeps springing surprises on me, even though I'm developing a certain knack at predicting them. But appearing at my doorstep to send me to work, even though work is 15 minutes away, sigh. My boyfriend loves me too. ^^
Okie, before this turns into some love declaration that sends people puking away, which I really don't mind, there's still bad news to be shed.
And the bad news is, I'm still awake. It kind of makes no sense to go to sleep now, if I have to wake up in half an hour. And I've to wake in half an hour because I'm worried about the sleepyhead oversleeping. Oh well, I guess, it'd be another long and sleepy day at work later.
I know, I haven't blogged about work. There's nothing to talk about really, we're having classroom training for two and a half weeks, followed by another week and a half of on-job training. So till then, it's pretty boring stuff. Of course, I've got great and crazy company, though they can be a little sleepy, especially after lunch.
The only good thing about work, though, is that its 15 minutes away. But then, that's about to change soon. I've two weeks of training at lousy Ayer Rajah, which is really like having to go to NUS all over la. Sigh.
Anyway, the new HP movie sucked. You would think HP4 sucked, given that they took away the entire Quidditch World Cup and stuff, but really, HP6 sucked balls. The only thing that's worse than deleting important scene is adding rubbishy ones.
Met up with Ying Si and the girls last week to celebrate her birthday. It's been a long time since I last saw them, and my fault really, for not turning up for the meet-ups they regularly have.
I was wearing pants. Most of the pictures turned out rather obscene, really. Huai Yue told me at least three times to pull down my shorts. But it's not that bad in person. Really. -.-"
Kind of lazy to upload the other pictures, they're all on facebook anyway.
Shall head off to dream about my darling boyfriend for an hour and a half before I have to drag my ass off the bed to prepare for work. :(
Sunday, July 19, 2009
random #43
I don't want to blog about all the negative things that's swarming in my head now. I don't want random gossip-mongers to find out that I'm upset with ABC again. I don't want rumor-mills to start spinning nasty half-truths about my boyfriend. I don't need for over-imaginative people to start making assumptions based on what I say or don't say.
But I'm tired. Literally and figuratively. I'm tired, because I didn't have a good sleep last night, not with the boyfriend's sudden hugs scattered throughout the entire night. It's a happy tired-ness, and I don't mind giving up more sleep to be hugged. I'm tired, because I don't want to keep having to think about consequences. Consequences he doesn't understand, consequences he belittles, consequences he can't be bothered to think about. I don't want to be the adult.
I really don't know what to do anymore. Like I don't know what he wants from me. Why does he always have to walk away from me? It's times like these when I start doubting. And you can't really blame me for it. Because no matter what I do, I'm wrong.
I thought my having to work would make things better for us, would make the little time we have for each other better spent. But apparently not.
I hate it when people disappear on me. Thanks.
But I'm tired. Literally and figuratively. I'm tired, because I didn't have a good sleep last night, not with the boyfriend's sudden hugs scattered throughout the entire night. It's a happy tired-ness, and I don't mind giving up more sleep to be hugged. I'm tired, because I don't want to keep having to think about consequences. Consequences he doesn't understand, consequences he belittles, consequences he can't be bothered to think about. I don't want to be the adult.
I really don't know what to do anymore. Like I don't know what he wants from me. Why does he always have to walk away from me? It's times like these when I start doubting. And you can't really blame me for it. Because no matter what I do, I'm wrong.
I thought my having to work would make things better for us, would make the little time we have for each other better spent. But apparently not.
I hate it when people disappear on me. Thanks.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
random #42
This morning, I woke up to my smelly mother telling me my face has become even rounder. And to make things worse, the smelly brother later went on to ask if ever my face wasn't round. He then proceeded to accuse me of being a Lady GaGa-wannabe, walking around the house in my undies, when I've been doing it since forever, and he, of all people, knows.
Why are they like that? Tsk.
As much as I've more or less known that I've been eating a little more than I normally do the past few weeks, it's a different thing totally to be told in the face that I'm fat. No thanks to my very sensitive mother, I'm now semi-depressed, and have decided to start eating less. (Like who am I kidding, honestly.)
Sigh.
No.
Must be optimistic.
So, work is finally starting like later, since it's after midnight now. Slightly looking forward to having something to do apart from sticking myself to the bed. Yes, and saving up for holidays. I totally want to go Taiwan again. It's so irritating to have been there, but not actually been there. Urgh.
Still. Sigh. Work. Abc probably won't be staying over as much as we've both gotten used to, which I was actually looking forward to a few days ago, when I unbelievably felt that we were spending too much time together. Things have obviously changed now, my brain is functioning as per normal, which means the concept of 'too much time together' doesn't exist anymore. It really never did in the first place.
Sigh. It's like 1 hour since we left each other, and even though I'm technically still seeing him now, I can't help but feel upset about the impending 41.5 hours of separation. I was smiling at myself earlier on, because it felt a little ridiculous that I'm so distraught at not meeting him for a mere 2 days. But that's actually a lot, considering that we've been together perpetually all the time since that first day. In fact, I think it's the longest stretch at a go, and I definitely don't want it to increase.
Sigh. All of a sudden, work, all the mismatched timings, it's sucking me into the sea of misery.
Sigh. I miss my boyfriend.
Sigh. I should stop sighing.
Sigh. I wish I could hug him now. And no boyfriend, that's not an invitation for you to come over tomorrow night.
I just got nagged at for thinking about skipping my jap class later on. I missed two consecutive ones already. But that's because I had an interview early Thursday morning two weeks ago, and then ended up napping too long. And last Thursday was our first monthsary. Although we didn't do anything that actually substantiated my skipping class, I would have felt bad if I had attended the lesson, and sat through 2 hours listening to stuff that I already know.
Sigh. I really miss my boyfriend.
Why are they like that? Tsk.
As much as I've more or less known that I've been eating a little more than I normally do the past few weeks, it's a different thing totally to be told in the face that I'm fat. No thanks to my very sensitive mother, I'm now semi-depressed, and have decided to start eating less. (Like who am I kidding, honestly.)
Sigh.
No.
Must be optimistic.
So, work is finally starting like later, since it's after midnight now. Slightly looking forward to having something to do apart from sticking myself to the bed. Yes, and saving up for holidays. I totally want to go Taiwan again. It's so irritating to have been there, but not actually been there. Urgh.
Still. Sigh. Work. Abc probably won't be staying over as much as we've both gotten used to, which I was actually looking forward to a few days ago, when I unbelievably felt that we were spending too much time together. Things have obviously changed now, my brain is functioning as per normal, which means the concept of 'too much time together' doesn't exist anymore. It really never did in the first place.
Sigh. It's like 1 hour since we left each other, and even though I'm technically still seeing him now, I can't help but feel upset about the impending 41.5 hours of separation. I was smiling at myself earlier on, because it felt a little ridiculous that I'm so distraught at not meeting him for a mere 2 days. But that's actually a lot, considering that we've been together perpetually all the time since that first day. In fact, I think it's the longest stretch at a go, and I definitely don't want it to increase.
Sigh. All of a sudden, work, all the mismatched timings, it's sucking me into the sea of misery.
Sigh. I miss my boyfriend.
Sigh. I should stop sighing.
Sigh. I wish I could hug him now. And no boyfriend, that's not an invitation for you to come over tomorrow night.
I just got nagged at for thinking about skipping my jap class later on. I missed two consecutive ones already. But that's because I had an interview early Thursday morning two weeks ago, and then ended up napping too long. And last Thursday was our first monthsary. Although we didn't do anything that actually substantiated my skipping class, I would have felt bad if I had attended the lesson, and sat through 2 hours listening to stuff that I already know.
Sigh. I really miss my boyfriend.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
前世修来的福
At 7am this morning, after the entire misery has faded from my mind, I got ready to continue watching we got married on tudou, resigning myself to the sad fact that my life sucked. And then the smelly boyfriend had to rub it in, by telling me that he couldn't sleep because he was too used to sleeping with me. Like I'm not miserable enough that he's not with me. 3 messages later, the irritatingly smelly boyfriend told me that all would be settled if I opened the door to let him in.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
This, my friend, is probably 前世修来的福 lor. He's not perfect, but he's really more than I can ask for, and I'm really trying to not sound as love-struck as I am right now. The aftereffects of his sudden appearance at my door has not faded even though its been a few hours since he left for work. There really isn't any qualms at all, about whether or not I should head down to stupid pomo to spring him a probably anticipated surprise when he ends work in awhile.
Sigh. My life is this close to revolving around him. And I'm more than happy for it to head in that direction. Unhealthy, yes. Scary, definitely. But when your boyfriend is the endearing nonsense who's always muttering rubbish at the most inappropriate timings, there's only so little before he becomes the axis of my rotation.
It's definitely going to take some getting used to, when I start work soon. As much as he's worried about the influx of guys that will enter into my periphery from the new job, I'm completely distraught by the severely lessened time I will have left for him, which will allow him the opportunity to meet other girls! Now you see the entire motive behind my willingness to let him game.
Sigh. I'm missing him already. :(
PS. I've finally decided to stop being lazy, and capitalize my words properly.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
This, my friend, is probably 前世修来的福 lor. He's not perfect, but he's really more than I can ask for, and I'm really trying to not sound as love-struck as I am right now. The aftereffects of his sudden appearance at my door has not faded even though its been a few hours since he left for work. There really isn't any qualms at all, about whether or not I should head down to stupid pomo to spring him a probably anticipated surprise when he ends work in awhile.
Sigh. My life is this close to revolving around him. And I'm more than happy for it to head in that direction. Unhealthy, yes. Scary, definitely. But when your boyfriend is the endearing nonsense who's always muttering rubbish at the most inappropriate timings, there's only so little before he becomes the axis of my rotation.
It's definitely going to take some getting used to, when I start work soon. As much as he's worried about the influx of guys that will enter into my periphery from the new job, I'm completely distraught by the severely lessened time I will have left for him, which will allow him the opportunity to meet other girls! Now you see the entire motive behind my willingness to let him game.
Sigh. I'm missing him already. :(
PS. I've finally decided to stop being lazy, and capitalize my words properly.
My One Raw Nerve
There are certain things that instantly hit a person's raw nerves. I've got many, but this, I think, has got to be the worse.
I can't blog about it as openly as I would have liked, because it'll invite gossip to, not just me, but the people around me as well. I've always tried to be truthful about this, and it's come with varying comments. Some agree with the way I treated it, openly and as harmlessly honest as I could. Most just think it would do me more good if I kept it to myself.
I really want mummy to understand. I can't find a reason why she has to drop it like a bomb each time. Is it that difficult to at least let me know earlier? Afterall, I'm the reason all this is happening, isn't it? She doesn't realise that I'm hurting. And I have decided a long time ago that she doesn't need to know. Her knowledge of the truth will not change anything, apart from making her more upset than she should be.
I know it's my fault. Whether I am actively responsible, it doesn't really matter. She really don't have to keep rubbing it in my face.
I've come to see this as the reason why the suicidal thoughts appear as often as they do. I've come to attribute my lack of guilt for entertaining these death wishes to it. Don't gasp at me. Everyone has such thoughts every now and then.
It's just. No matter how I look at it, it's almost like my future has been laid out for me. And when I look down the path I have to take, what stares me in the face is this absolute bleakness. No matter what I do and how I do it, I will never be able to run away from this, this which I've never wanted, this which I've tried to run away from.
And then I consider the possibilities. When will the past start catching up to me? When will I finally have to face up to the monstrosity of it all?
They're probably never going to come up with the papers to cut me free from these ties. Papers they used to threaten me with. It's a choice I wouldn't be able to make.
The tears that fall are mine alone. It isn't fair for anyone to have to share my burdens. It's why I keep trying to put on as brave a front as I can, only to have it smashed over and over. I wish I could stop crying about this, I wish I could stop thinking about it. I wish I'm as nonchalent as I act, as brave as people perceive.
But I'm not. I don't know how to handle the truth. I don't want to handle it. And I definitely don't want for anybody to know this side of things. Which is why when I cry, the tears fall as silently and discreetly as I can muster them to.
Abc is worried. He probably feels obligated, as my bf, to etch the smile back onto my face. He doesn't know that I've become terrified for this, all over again, because of the last failed relationship. I've rarely let on the impact of things, of how he has really shattered my entire confidence.
It's a fear that I've always had. One that I've kept locked up because I'm so afraid, I don't even want to acknowledge it. And now, it's been forcefully brought up to the surface. I really only have myself to blame, don't I? How can I blame people for not being able to accept what I keep trying to pretend doesn't exist? How can I even...
And how appropriate is it, that this has to come at a point when I'm really trying to be happy for us all.
It's tiring to be with me, right?
I'm tired to be me. I really want to smile.
I can't blog about it as openly as I would have liked, because it'll invite gossip to, not just me, but the people around me as well. I've always tried to be truthful about this, and it's come with varying comments. Some agree with the way I treated it, openly and as harmlessly honest as I could. Most just think it would do me more good if I kept it to myself.
I really want mummy to understand. I can't find a reason why she has to drop it like a bomb each time. Is it that difficult to at least let me know earlier? Afterall, I'm the reason all this is happening, isn't it? She doesn't realise that I'm hurting. And I have decided a long time ago that she doesn't need to know. Her knowledge of the truth will not change anything, apart from making her more upset than she should be.
I know it's my fault. Whether I am actively responsible, it doesn't really matter. She really don't have to keep rubbing it in my face.
I've come to see this as the reason why the suicidal thoughts appear as often as they do. I've come to attribute my lack of guilt for entertaining these death wishes to it. Don't gasp at me. Everyone has such thoughts every now and then.
It's just. No matter how I look at it, it's almost like my future has been laid out for me. And when I look down the path I have to take, what stares me in the face is this absolute bleakness. No matter what I do and how I do it, I will never be able to run away from this, this which I've never wanted, this which I've tried to run away from.
And then I consider the possibilities. When will the past start catching up to me? When will I finally have to face up to the monstrosity of it all?
They're probably never going to come up with the papers to cut me free from these ties. Papers they used to threaten me with. It's a choice I wouldn't be able to make.
The tears that fall are mine alone. It isn't fair for anyone to have to share my burdens. It's why I keep trying to put on as brave a front as I can, only to have it smashed over and over. I wish I could stop crying about this, I wish I could stop thinking about it. I wish I'm as nonchalent as I act, as brave as people perceive.
But I'm not. I don't know how to handle the truth. I don't want to handle it. And I definitely don't want for anybody to know this side of things. Which is why when I cry, the tears fall as silently and discreetly as I can muster them to.
Abc is worried. He probably feels obligated, as my bf, to etch the smile back onto my face. He doesn't know that I've become terrified for this, all over again, because of the last failed relationship. I've rarely let on the impact of things, of how he has really shattered my entire confidence.
It's a fear that I've always had. One that I've kept locked up because I'm so afraid, I don't even want to acknowledge it. And now, it's been forcefully brought up to the surface. I really only have myself to blame, don't I? How can I blame people for not being able to accept what I keep trying to pretend doesn't exist? How can I even...
And how appropriate is it, that this has to come at a point when I'm really trying to be happy for us all.
It's tiring to be with me, right?
I'm tired to be me. I really want to smile.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
all that matters, is that you love me
i wonder how obvious it's been, but i havent been happy the past week.
there used to be a time, not very long ago, when i believed in the therapeutic effects of blogging all that ridiculous negativity that seems to have found a permanent foothold in my thoughts. you'd heard all about how lim chieh sern threw me repeatedly into that abyss of pain, you'd heard all about how i constantly tormented myself, trying to find a balance between my overflowing feelings for chester and gaowei's immense love for me.
i've never wondered if it was a good thing, being as open as i was, on a platform that was so easily accessible to anyone, anywhere. i guess i've never considered the possibility that random people were remotely interested in what i had to say. random people, who went on to absorb the insignificant shit that i've been ranting about, who continued to act as though they knew what i was going through, who then proceeded to share their two cents' worth with whoever else.
not that i really care, anyway. the few people i deem important to know the full story always knew what they ought to know.
but i havent blogged much in the past few days because the gloom that has descended over me had everything and nothing to do with abc. and even though i cant be bothered if people thought ill of me, it would kill to have people talk bad about abc on account of me.
i'm completely freaked out, by how fast and how hard the feelings have developed. in the span of one month, i've done almost more than i ever did for anyone. and i'm scared. i really dont want this to be temporary, and its not just because we're already together.
the truth is, i'm lost. this is really too good to be true, such that i'm picking on the itsy bitsy nonsense.
i thought all i wanted was love, and attention. hopefully as much as i was willing to give? but no, there simply isnt an end to how much love and how much attention i can want. and as much of both as abc has given, its not enough to placate the hungry monster in me. the monster also known as insecurity.
i must have been crazy to think that i should just try to be nonchalent, that if i gave less, maybe somehow, i would want less. things dont work that way. yes, i still need your appreciation when i do things for you, but i understand now, that being able to do what i want for you, when i want to, that, in itself, makes me happy already.
it must have been hard on abc, me acting the way i did. i hope its not going to take too long for me to snap back into being the me that he was crazily in love with at the beginning.
work is starting soon. and i'm trying not to think about the lessened time i would have with abc. i shall look forward to saving up for holidays and oh, renewing my waxing package.
sigh. its taken me a damn long time to put this post together. somehow, i cant seem to string my thoughts into coherent sentences. i think its time i succumb to the zee monster.
all that matters, is that you love me. and that much, i know
there used to be a time, not very long ago, when i believed in the therapeutic effects of blogging all that ridiculous negativity that seems to have found a permanent foothold in my thoughts. you'd heard all about how lim chieh sern threw me repeatedly into that abyss of pain, you'd heard all about how i constantly tormented myself, trying to find a balance between my overflowing feelings for chester and gaowei's immense love for me.
i've never wondered if it was a good thing, being as open as i was, on a platform that was so easily accessible to anyone, anywhere. i guess i've never considered the possibility that random people were remotely interested in what i had to say. random people, who went on to absorb the insignificant shit that i've been ranting about, who continued to act as though they knew what i was going through, who then proceeded to share their two cents' worth with whoever else.
not that i really care, anyway. the few people i deem important to know the full story always knew what they ought to know.
but i havent blogged much in the past few days because the gloom that has descended over me had everything and nothing to do with abc. and even though i cant be bothered if people thought ill of me, it would kill to have people talk bad about abc on account of me.
i'm completely freaked out, by how fast and how hard the feelings have developed. in the span of one month, i've done almost more than i ever did for anyone. and i'm scared. i really dont want this to be temporary, and its not just because we're already together.
the truth is, i'm lost. this is really too good to be true, such that i'm picking on the itsy bitsy nonsense.
i thought all i wanted was love, and attention. hopefully as much as i was willing to give? but no, there simply isnt an end to how much love and how much attention i can want. and as much of both as abc has given, its not enough to placate the hungry monster in me. the monster also known as insecurity.
i must have been crazy to think that i should just try to be nonchalent, that if i gave less, maybe somehow, i would want less. things dont work that way. yes, i still need your appreciation when i do things for you, but i understand now, that being able to do what i want for you, when i want to, that, in itself, makes me happy already.
it must have been hard on abc, me acting the way i did. i hope its not going to take too long for me to snap back into being the me that he was crazily in love with at the beginning.
work is starting soon. and i'm trying not to think about the lessened time i would have with abc. i shall look forward to saving up for holidays and oh, renewing my waxing package.
sigh. its taken me a damn long time to put this post together. somehow, i cant seem to string my thoughts into coherent sentences. i think its time i succumb to the zee monster.
Friday, July 10, 2009
pictures finally.
and eating
and eating
and eating
and eating
and eating
and eating
and eating
and eating
and eating
no wonder i've been rather depressed these days. at the rate we're going, it wouldnt take too long before i burst out of my clothes. and the frustrating thing is, the smelly nonsense doesnt seem to be putting on any weight at all!
oh, and i've finally landed myself a job, and a shitty one too. but oh well, better a shitty job than none at all. and i should be glad that it came right when i was thinking if abc and i have been spending too much time together. as you would have inferred from my last entry, our blissful relationship was marred by a few unhappy episodes over the past few days, much of which being my fault, i guess.
you rarely hear me say that, but i do think abc and i are spending too much time together. it's kinda scary because the total time we've spent apart from each other has probably not exceeded a hundred hours, of which more than half of it was due to work, and more than half of the rest, we were on web cam.
the extent of which is such that yh no longer talks to abc on his msn account. he automatically forwards whatever message to mine. he is also no longer alarmed when abc calls him on my phone. i think he addresses him directly lor.
zzzz. we got so sticky mah?
well, i think there'll be some getting use to when i start that job soon. :(
and speaking of which, i should think that the shitty job would tolerate ridiculous hair colours. hehe. which means, i'm not restricted to the boring shades of brown and red and whatever boring nonsense.
GREEN maybe. or BLUE. no, no PURPLE. PINK maybe. and i'm also getting rather sick of my bangs, they're freaking hard to maintain la. imagine needing a haircut every 2 weeks. like i'm that free.
gheesh.. i miss abc already. and he's sitting behind me making love to my ds. maybe i should hatch an evil plot to stash away all the games when he's around. it can be somewhat demoralizing when i'm trying to steal his attention away and he ignores me or tries to put it off. LIKE NOW. i think i've been too nice.
am going to wrestle my boyfriend back from the stupid pink monster.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
first month
i honestly believe its fucking loserish to have to leave messages to people via such passive methods as posting a blog entry for it.
and i've already told him this, but still, the boyfriend needs to know,
i know i havent been very lovable the past few days, i've practically drowned us in my overwhelming penchant for negativity. i'm sorry. but i still do love you. and i really hope this works.
happy first month, sleepyhead. i'll wake you up in awhile. bleh. ^^
and i've already told him this, but still, the boyfriend needs to know,
i know i havent been very lovable the past few days, i've practically drowned us in my overwhelming penchant for negativity. i'm sorry. but i still do love you. and i really hope this works.
happy first month, sleepyhead. i'll wake you up in awhile. bleh. ^^
Monday, July 6, 2009
irritated
isnt it irritating how each time you sink into a relationship, you get that urge to do all those blissfully sweet lovey dovey stuff?
isnt it even more irritating how each time you trot off from an old relationship, all that sickeningly mushy stuff starts feeling super duper cliche?
isnt it most irritating how each time you fall into another relationship, the pool of gooey oooey poooey stuff depletes super fast, and then suddenly, you find that you've run out of gift ideas, places to go, things to do, blah blah.
urgh. officially tired of thinking up woah! stuff.
stupid bf irritating me by refusing to bath. grrrrrr. shall go read harry potter. the entire series. i'm aiming to finish before watching half blood prince.
isnt it even more irritating how each time you trot off from an old relationship, all that sickeningly mushy stuff starts feeling super duper cliche?
isnt it most irritating how each time you fall into another relationship, the pool of gooey oooey poooey stuff depletes super fast, and then suddenly, you find that you've run out of gift ideas, places to go, things to do, blah blah.
urgh. officially tired of thinking up woah! stuff.
stupid bf irritating me by refusing to bath. grrrrrr. shall go read harry potter. the entire series. i'm aiming to finish before watching half blood prince.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
boring
i havent been updating.
i know. there really isnt much going on in my life. i wouldnt presume people want to read all the mushy crooning that is currently flashing across my mind. of course its good news that i'm happy. but being happy means i lead a relatively boring life these days.
the most interesting thing that's happened recently was kiwi falling off the bed. (imagine why. *winks*)
i think though, that abc and i are spending too much time together. not that i'm complaining, of course. everybody knows i'm a sticky gf, a complete no-lifer leech, and i've latched on to abc already. i feel a little guilty though that i'm sucking up all his time (and energy, *uh-hem*). but i want to see him all the time la. terrible dilemma. (yes, my life has become a shallow pool of unimportant dilemmas i dramatically sink myself in.)
and i've also found the best remedy to bad hair days, which i'm increasingly prone to these days, no thanks to the bangs, because they grow out damn fast. and yes, the perfect solution is my princess hairband, which has been appearing in alot of photos. i'm thinking if i should wear it later in fact.
nails hurt like mad now. and i miss my bf. hopelessly sleepy, but desperately trying to stay awake, because i want to see him later.
i know. there really isnt much going on in my life. i wouldnt presume people want to read all the mushy crooning that is currently flashing across my mind. of course its good news that i'm happy. but being happy means i lead a relatively boring life these days.
the most interesting thing that's happened recently was kiwi falling off the bed. (imagine why. *winks*)
i think though, that abc and i are spending too much time together. not that i'm complaining, of course. everybody knows i'm a sticky gf, a complete no-lifer leech, and i've latched on to abc already. i feel a little guilty though that i'm sucking up all his time (and energy, *uh-hem*). but i want to see him all the time la. terrible dilemma. (yes, my life has become a shallow pool of unimportant dilemmas i dramatically sink myself in.)
and i've also found the best remedy to bad hair days, which i'm increasingly prone to these days, no thanks to the bangs, because they grow out damn fast. and yes, the perfect solution is my princess hairband, which has been appearing in alot of photos. i'm thinking if i should wear it later in fact.
nails hurt like mad now. and i miss my bf. hopelessly sleepy, but desperately trying to stay awake, because i want to see him later.
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