I don't want to blog about all the negative things that's swarming in my head now. I don't want random gossip-mongers to find out that I'm upset with ABC again. I don't want rumor-mills to start spinning nasty half-truths about my boyfriend. I don't need for over-imaginative people to start making assumptions based on what I say or don't say.
But I'm tired. Literally and figuratively. I'm tired, because I didn't have a good sleep last night, not with the boyfriend's sudden hugs scattered throughout the entire night. It's a happy tired-ness, and I don't mind giving up more sleep to be hugged. I'm tired, because I don't want to keep having to think about consequences. Consequences he doesn't understand, consequences he belittles, consequences he can't be bothered to think about. I don't want to be the adult.
I really don't know what to do anymore. Like I don't know what he wants from me. Why does he always have to walk away from me? It's times like these when I start doubting. And you can't really blame me for it. Because no matter what I do, I'm wrong.
I thought my having to work would make things better for us, would make the little time we have for each other better spent. But apparently not.
I hate it when people disappear on me. Thanks.
