Sometimes, I do take things for granted. But maybe that's how life is supposed to work.
ABC told me, before we fell asleep last night, that he'd be going home today. He said he'd been spending a little too much time over at my place, and it'd be good if he went home. That was after telling me about gaming plans for Sunday night.
When we woke up at close to 6pm today, he mumbled something in reply to YH's SMS about the gaming session later the night. And since then, he's been at it. Fluctuating between wanting to stay with me because we haven't been spending alot of time together, and wanting to game. My short Sunday passed in a mirage of him declining to go home when I suggested it and him trying to find ways of still being able to join their dota session at my place.
I completely, more than appreciate him choosing to stay over and just accompany me. It's an understatement if I say I'd prefer it if he were here. I more than just want him here, what with me and my hourly-rated (read: lowly paid), office hour (read: sucky) job.
But really, the guilt that comes with keeping him here, sometimes, it makes me feel as though his time would be better spent at home. It doesn't help when we never do anything save for sleeping and eating. It doesn't help when he occasionally remind me of the list of things he could do with aDell.
Just awhile ago, I got upset at him. At times, I really have no idea what he wants of me. And despite that frustration, I reminded myself that my bf is here because he loves me. When in the past I would have back-faced him and drifted off to my dreamland (yes, I was tired and sleepy), earlier, I ignored my unhappiness and asked if I could hug him to sleep.
By the looks of it and the fact that he's there on kiwi and I'm here blogging on wiwi, things didn't turn out well afterall.
I'm tired. I'm trying to be appreciative. I know I'm probably not his best gf, that probably sometime in his past, there was someone who loved him more than I do, gave him more than I have and treated him nicer than I can. But I'm really trying. And I'm trying my hardest yet.
Darling, I'm at my wits' end already. I'm doing everything in my entire inventory of niceness to make you and make us happy. I know we're not exactly qiarrellibg, but this whole situation, all that unhappiness dangling in the air, it doesn't make much of a difference at all.
I don't want to get upset at you. I don't want to stop loving you. I really don't.
-- Posted From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^
