Happy Belated, Love

原来不只是我开始怀疑了。 你的话让我觉得， ‘勉强是没有幸福的’。 我真的不想每次都为了同样的事情闹到两个人都不开心。 而且，像你说的，真的只是小事而已。 这三个月来，你为我做了什么？ 我很爱你，可是如果你也开始怀疑的话，我觉得，我走不下去了。



I'm tired everyday. My body has not reacted well to the sudden change in my circadian rhythm. I always feel like I don't have enough sleep, but because I'm not used to this sleep-wake pattern, my mind and body remains alert when I try to sleep at night.

The only thing that keeps me going in this relationship, the only thing that keeps me from giving up, is the constant reminder that you love me. 这三个月来，你为我做了最值得怀念的，是你给我的时间。 It's the putting together of all the times when you hugged me to sleep, of the times when you sat at the foot of my bed playing your games while I slept.

This is why I drag my feet to meet you after work whenever you say you can. This is why I pinch my thighs to stay awake to be on webcam with you.

And maybe that perpetual tiredness is the reason behind my unhappiness when you are not able to meet me because you were unwilling to wake up even after sleeping 14 hours. Maybe I'm just jealous. As much as I love to sleep, as much as I need my sleep, I'm trying to stay awake to see you as much as possible. This comes especially after our very diverse working hours have eaten up so much of the time I had that I could spend with you during the initial phase of our relationship.

And when you ask why I got so upset when all you were doing was sleeping, I didn't know how to answer you.
'I was upset because I wanted so much to see you, but you were more interested in your sleep.'
Did you really mean for me to say that?

Yes, you were only sleeping. Yes, it's better than all the other vices that you could have had. But to me, all I wanted, was to spend with you, whatever little time I have left, after taking away my working hours, your working hours, and now, your schooling hours.

I know you are at a loss when I get upset over such unavoidable issues. I know you become affected by my unhappiness, and I'm really trying not to show my despondency, not to lose my patience when we're together.

But I'm really tired, and it seems like no matter how hard I try, it's not good enough for us, and I really don't know what to do anymore.


Happy belated birthday, my love. I'm sorry for our lacklustre celebration, and I'm sorry your present can only arrive on the 28th. I hope it will keep you company when I'm not there.

And yes,

just so you know
phoebe loves you. muacks

Love You Laogong! ^^

On webcam the entire night with Abc, and I'm not having enough sleep now because of his noisy games. :(

When my alarm sounded this morning, my very cute bf made me go visit poot poot in pet society. ^^

Forgot to mention that bf is starting school today, which means less time for me. :( oh well, have a good day in school baby.


Love you laogong!

I Love You, Darling.

So, it was our 100th day the other day.

And to tell the truth, I think, so far, my relationship with Abc, can only be described as nondescript at best. I won't deny that we've been spending alot of time together. More so than any of my past relationships, and I only have him to thank, for the stay overs and for spoiling me with all that attention and presence. But that, as far as it goes, is lackluster. Blissfully lackluster, but still, unremarkable and bland.

Which is probably why I tend to look forward to all those special occasions that we've been talking about. Like that 100th day thingy.

I'm trying to be a better gf for Abc, and that includes putting up with his laid back attitude, his gaming antics, sacrificing a little of my sleep time, heaving my lazy ass off the bed in the middle of the night to pour him warm water, etching a smile on my face when I'm ultra tired to all those things that I would normally have flared up at.

I'm not quite the fantastic gf I wish I was, and on our 100th day, I broke down, because I'd been so looking forward to it, and he wanted to cancel it because of the cough which has plagued him for weeks. I know now as I knew back then, that I can't really blame him for being sick, but looking back, I must say, I genuinely felt unappreciated.

I didn't know if he's acknowledged all the little things I've done, I didn't know if he realized that I'd been freaking tired every day, I didn't know if he realized that I haven't been going out with the crazy colleagues because I wanted to save a little more so that he didn't have to pay for everything. It's tiring because I tend to take so many things into consideration, things that I don't even know if he realizes.

And because I had been so looking forward to that day, he made me wonder if he's even taken it into account at all.

In any case, the whole incident has blown over. We made up. Honestly, I don't know where we're headed for. I'm afraid these things might happen again, and I'm afraid when they happen again, I'd lose the faith to carry on. I know my bf loves me, and I love him too, right now it seems as though that's all that matters, but during the dark moments when the tears start falling, it feels like love isn't enough afterall.

I'm scared. I really don't want to quarrel. I don't want to start doubting and undermining our love.



I love you, darling. It seems as though I can never tell you enough times to really let you know. I don't ever, ever, ever want to quarrel with you again.

100

My bf wants me to blog about how I've been spending time with him. And how much I love him.

Yes my dear. Happy 100th day.


-- Post From My iPhone. WiWi baby rocks. ^^

happy third month darling.

It has been a long hard day at work. My head is spinning, from all the nonsense I've had to deal with, from all the ridiculously demanding customers.

Today has been my worst day at SH thus far.


And today, is coincidentally the worst day in my relationship with ABC.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to talk about it, because if he's no longer angry, I don't want this to provoke him again.

But I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm disappointed, I'm upset, I'm at a loss, I'm tired, and for the first time, more than ever before, I'm not sure if this relationship is working out.

Happy third month darling.
Thanks for bringing me to the Science Centre.
Thanks for the haircut.
Thanks for getting along with Ryan as well as you did.
Thanks for getting me my pills.
Thanks for the New York New York, for the Shokudo desserts, for the pathetically discounted Sakae and for the very filling Ichiban.
Thanks for Sea Monsters, for UP (which is my favouritest movie at the moment), for The Proposal, for Year One (which was the worst ever movie), for District 9, for FD4 and for the Time Traveler's Wife.
Thanks for accompanying me to work in the mornings.
Thanks for hugging me to sleep.
Thanks for loving me, and letting me love you for as long as we have.